"What to expect when you're expecting...again."

Dear author of "What to Expect When You're Expecting",

Maybe you should consider the fact that women like to read during each of their pregnancies.  Not just the first one.  So when you write things like "you probably won't be showing, yet" or "you won't be able to feel the baby move for some time", you don't turn people like me off.  Because, let's face it, I've been in maternity gear since before the pee had time to dry on the stick, and I'm pretty positive I can now tell the difference between fetal movement and gas.  Maybe you should just write a new book, like "What to expect when you're expecting...again."  Or, "So you're knocked up for the fourth time."  Maybe "A Pregnancy Journal for a Woman Who's Had More Pregnancies Than Area Codes in Her State." (I have many more where those came from, too, but I'll spare you.)

Sincerely,
I'm still reading, but barely

p.s. I've included evidence of said "showing" that I'm not supposed to have yet according to your book.

10w 6d

Dear Zeke,
I know you're super proud of yourself for learning how to push our kitchen chairs around, then climbing up on them.  However, I'm kind of over the climbing up on the table, counters, touching the stove, and getting into the closet, etc.  You're more than welcome to stop doing that.  Please.
Love,
your tired-of-freaking-out mommy


Dear Zeke part II,
Oh, and if you'd like to stop falling and hitting yourself in random places, I'd love that, too.  You have enough bruises.
Love,
Can't-schedule-pictures-until-bruises-are-gone mommy

Dear weather,
you're a strange, strange thing.  Sure, the weekend was beautiful.  But, going from 83 degrees and sunny yesterday, to nasty storms today, to only 58 tomorrow is rough. 
Yours truly,
Can't-put-the-sweaters-away-yet-and-want-to

Dear A,
please, pretty please, stop doing things you're not supposed to do.  I'm tired of getting after you all of the time, and I'm sure you're tired of listening me get after you.  I don't know if you're trying to get attention, so I am trying to make an effort to give you some positive attention.  (Although, I doubt this is the case since you seem to be doing these things in private and trying to hide them.)  Please stop and remember to think before you act.
Love,
tired-of-time-out-talks mom

Dear E.
Not looking forward to 50 hour work weeks.  This means that I will  1. miss you a lot, or 2. miss your help a lot.  I think maybe both equally some days, and more number 2 some others.
All of my love,
not-looking-forward-to-doing-this-alone wife


Dear Dr. C's office,
Please call me back and give me the correct phone number for my appointment for my Nuchal Fold scan Friday.  I loathe making phone calls, and today was my scheduled day to do so.  Seeing as how you gave me some random, funky, non-answering phone number I'm guessing that it is not the right one.  Then, seeing as how you called me back with another number and I called THAT place, which has never heard of me, I'm guessing its messed up on your end again.  I need that information so I can make yet, more, phone calls. 
Regretfully,
the lady who-has-a-strange-phobia-of-calling-new-places

less than 24 hours

until my ultrasound.

Not that I'm counting or anything. No, that would be a little too obsessive. To sit, look at the clock, and calculate in my head how many hours I have to go until I can get an early peak at my baby.

Nope, I wasn't thinking that.

But, I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking that this is the most pregnant I've been since Austin's pregnancy. Two other times I made it this far. Two other times I made it to the first ultrasound. Two other times I brought home a baby from those pregnancies.

Sure, I know its still early. Sure, I know that something could still happen. Sure, I'm still nervous, and panicky, and neurotic about pee sticks and temperatures. But, for me, for MY body, this is a miracle!

So miraculous that I actually pulled down some maternity clothes from the attic. I sorted through some and put some of the smaller stuff in the wash (yes, I'm already struggling in my clothes. Yes, I realize that its not the baby, yet. Yes, its just bloating.) I haven't been that hopeful since...well, my loss in July of 07.

Wow. Its a miracle.

Just for comparison's sake

Let me show you the darkest lines I have gotten on pregnancy tests since Austin's birth (obviously this pregnancy is not included!)

My August m/c test- darkest it got

January m/c test

Today's: it looks SO much better than those other ones, doesn't it?
Oh, and its pretty neat when your positive line turns pink before the control line.
Happy 5 weeks to me!

Way back Whensday, (plus sad news, good news, and MORE!)

First, let me start off with my way back whensday post (I promise that I'll give you what you're looking for here in a minute!)

My friend Raechel, who is a chatty (or wordy, in the blog world) kind of person thought that it was too difficult to post a Silent Sunday or Wordless Wednesday. So, she came up with the idea of Way Back Whensday. Its a chance to show off fun old pictures, but with words!

So, Here I go! Senior picture day!

This was actually my favorite of all of my senior pictures. Sepia was just starting to become "popular" and I had never seen anyone's senior pictures with that effect. Black and White, yes. Sepia- no. (keep in mind that this was 1999- the summer before my senior year.)

I look so young, and skinny!

I about died when the photographer wanted me to be "serious". If you know me, I tend to NOT be serious.

Lastly- here's a cheerleading picture from my senior year. I include it because it reminds me of something. I broke my foot in November of 1999. Right before my ACTs, my school musical, (in which I had a major role) and my cheerleading pictures. If you look closely, you can see my cast on my left foot (the one facing the camera). Ah, good times.

I'll start with the sad news, now. Today is a due date. A due date of one of my miscarriage babies. Those due date deals are so difficult. Really, they are. Even though I'm pregnant again, I still miss that baby that was due today. I'll always miss him/her. We love you and miss you, little one!







Now, the GOOD news, I'm elated with the information that Dr. H called with. My beta hcg was 600 today! (woot, woot!) Almost triple what it was on Monday! They said that everything is looking GREAT and that I don't have to go back in until Monday morning. Yay! YAY!

I'm ecstatic, elated, delighted, tickled pink, happy, and hopeful. But, at the same time, there's this lingering fear that something will still happen. I've never made it past 5 weeks with my other babies (minus my two living children, of course) and I'm not there yet. There's this fear that still lingers, tempting me to give in and give up my joy. But, I will hold onto the promise that God has given me. He will give me the peace I need.

Fun times

This weekend was full of fun times. Friday evening we went to the in laws for a fire and marshmallows. Always a hit! Saturday, we went to 2 birthday parties (one was my friend Devan's little man) and Sunday we went to church and Panoply, then out to eat at Sonic for dinner. Today, we went to the dr, Target, and Family Fun day at the kids' school.

Here are some pictures from Panoply yesterday.

Daddy and Austin

E and me

A-man. Gotta love the faces.

A and Grandpa

Oh, and another fun time today: I got a call from my nurse. Beta is 210 progesterone is 23. Oh, and she said that the Ovidrel should be completely gone, and that that 210 is all me (and God!) Do you know that my highest beta was only 54!! Wow!

Please pray that everything looks good Wednesday when I go in again and that my numbers at least double. I could really use an "easy" pregnancy and "easy" numbers this time around.

Before I go, I just want to say this: Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Moving on

I debated on sharing part of my life today. But, in all honesty, its not like I hide anything well. I might as well tell now, since I'll probably tell tomorrow or some other day.

I caved. I took a pregnancy test today. (Wait, wait! Before you get your hopes up, it was negative.) See, here's the thing. I promised myself I would wait. I would wait until my period was actually due, instead of testing early. Sure, I've gotten positives with every single other pregnancy 12 days past ovulation. Today is twelve days past ovulation. But, I told myself: just wait.

Did I? I made it about half way through the day. I stayed strong this morning. But, after putting the kids down for naps, I gave in. I thought "well, I'll want to start the shots right away if I am pregnant". Its amazing how I break promises to myself. A lot.

I guess its time to move on, though. Seeing as those tests are so sensitive, I highly doubt that it was a false negative. Pretty sure that my period will be right on time.

I'm trying not to get down. Its only been few weeks since my last miscarriage, but I was still secretly hoping...

Be patient

be patient, be patient
don't be in such a hurry.
when you are impatient,
you only start to worry.
remember, remember,
that God is patient, too.
And think of all the times,
when others have to wait on you!


I'm singing this song to myself: over and over again. Its 9 days past ovulation and I'm getting rather impatient. I'd really like to test. But, I won't. I promise. Today at least.

more pictures

I think we're in business. Sort of. I took the bottom test just a few minutes ago. About 4 p.m. I took it over to a neighbor, (who admittedly is an expert at reading FRER tests. She's addicted...) who confirmed that it looks positive. yay! I know its hard to tell in the picture, but the newest one is a tad darker.

The thing that scares me is that its so light. That's never been a good thing for me. The other thing that worries me is that I took a CBED test and it read not pregnant. Obviously, the hcg concentration isn't much. *sigh*

Please pray everything doubles (or triples!) like its supposed to and that our baby will be born healthy!

a line? maybe?

Well, I tested this morning when my temperature went back up. I don't know what to think. I've never even gotten a resemblance of a line on these tests before. Its always been stark white. A neighbor confirms, its a line. (she's not a poas pro, either. she asked what the dark line was for. lol) It looks pink in person, too.

I think I'm going to wait to call the dr. until tomorrow anyway. I have to work today, and I can't call in again...

Maybe its an evap, maybe not. But, I can certainly tell you that it is NOT my trigger shot (since I tested with the same test 2 days ago and it was stark white. no hidden lines. :) )

Both of these are unedited (besides the penciled arrows.)

Annoyed

Or beyond annoyed. Annoyed really isn't the right adjective, but its all my tired mommy brain can think of at this moment.

Want to know what I'm annoyed with? My stupid body! Stupid thing! It can't decide if it wants to be super fertile, but kick out the babies, or infertile, with months now of medicated cycles. I could honestly just scream!

What-the-stinkin'-hey! Argh!!!! I tested today, it was, (obvious by this post) negative. While I know that its early, and very early for me since I have never gotten a positive before 12 dpo, I just don't think its going to happen this month. For some strange reason, I just feel like this month was a bust. Which aggravates me. All of that money, and time, and energy. Wasted.

I broke down

and bought some pregnancy tests. I told myself I wasn't going to this month. That I would just wait for my blood work on friday. But, I should've known better. I've never listened to myself. ha! I actually bought the FRER ones, too. sheesh!






______________________________________________



We went to look at bedroom furniture today. Wowzers. I guess I never realized how expensive bed frames are. Here's the one we're probably getting.




Its hard for us to spend the money, though. We start to rationalize things. Like thinking of other things we need soon. We really need a new double jogger. Ours has almost seen its very last jog (okay, who am I kidding? Its already seen its last jog: with its last owner...) So, should we get a cheaper metal bed frame and then use the extra money to get a new jogger? Or, buy this bed, and save up for a little while for the jogger?

Ugh. I hate decisions like this.