Thursday, September 30, 2010

How to put a 9 month old to bed

How to put a 9 month old wiggly boy to bed:

1. Get baby cleaned up from dinner.  (Baby will probably not like being cleaned with a rag.  Baby will probably squeal.  You will have to end up holding his head in order to get a proper wiping of the mouth since the baby will move his head back and forth very quickly in order to avoid the wiping.)

2.  Give baby a nice quiet bubble bath.  (This will require endless effort to try to keep baby from standing up, slipping, and hitting his head.)

3. Dry baby off.  (He won't like this either.  He thinks the towel is evil.  Especially the part that goes on his head.  He'll squeal some more.)

4. Massage baby soothingly with lotion. (This is also known as a "quick lube".  Try to put on the lotion as quick as you can, before he twists over and starts to crawl away.)

5. Put baby's diaper on.  (Every put a diaper on a baby who is standing up?  Or a baby who is on his tummy trying to crawl away?  This is where you get to use your skills that you acquired when you were a professional arm wrestler.  Wait.  You weren't a professional arm wrestler?  Well, you better get practicing!)

6. Get baby dressed in his pajamas. (If his pajamas have anything more than 1 piece, you're screwed.  There will be lots of twisting, lots of screaming, lots of screeching, and lots of 'just lay still, please's.)

7. Comb baby's hair fuzz.  (He will try to eat said comb. Over and over again.)

8. Brush baby's teeth tooth. (Of course, he won't want to put THIS in his mouth.  He already had the hair brush in there.)

9. Read baby a book. (He will try to eat this book, or he will turn the pages too soon, or won't want you to turn the pages at all, or he'll just turn around and try to get down again.)

10. Feed the baby. (He'll finally start to settle down.  Look at the way he looks at you when he's nursing.  *swoon*)

11.  Put the baby in his bed. (You'll really want to hold him a bit longer, so do, even though he's falling asleep in your arms.  He's so snugly.)

12. Quietly walk away and blow kisses in the dark. (And pray that time some how stops and he doesn't grow up anymore overnight.)