Dear Burger King in Columbia, GA,
I'm thankful for your beautiful/clean/new play center. Please think about investing in a changing table. Especially since you cater to small children.
Sincerely,
Almost-changed-a-poopy-diaper-in-the-booth-out-of-spite
Dear I-75,
Why are you constantly so busy? All of the accidents, traffic, police officers. You kind of are a sucky road to drive on.
Regretfully,
Taking-an-alternate-route
Dear Sanibel Island,
I think I love you.
Love,
Why-did-we-have-to-leave (aka want-to-go-back)
Dear Eliza,
your sleep on vacation stunk. Please feel free to get back to sleeping well now that we're home.
Thank you,
Need-more-sleep
Dear Christmas music,
I heart you. I'm so glad that we don't have to hide our affair now that thanksgiving is behind us. It feels like a heavy burden has been lifted now that we can rejoice in our love openly. (I especially enjoyed your company on the drive home yesterday.)
Always in my heart,
Its-on-right-now
Dear Tailbone,
why do you hate me? I mean, our original disagreement was over three years ago. We've gone through multiple rounds of therapy. I thought we were past this. Don't you think its time to get over it? Stop bringing up our troubles, especially on a long car ride with the kids.
With love,
the-rest-of-your-body
Showing posts with label dear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dear. Show all posts
Monday, November 26, 2012
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Dear, (the water park eddition)
Dear mother of the 4 week old baby,
Your baby is precious, but please tell me that he's adopted or that your husband carried him in HIS womb for 9 months. Please! Otherwise, other mothers will be loathing themselves as they look at you and your flat abs in your itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, bright pink bikini.
Sincerely,
Other mother
Dear very pale and very big man,
I will help you put sunscreen on your back. But, only because I can spray it on. If it was a rub on kind, well, you know... You'd probably be burnt.
You're welcome,
A little weirded out
Dear Eliza,
I appreciate the fact that you were pretty tired at the water park. I don't usually mind holding you, either. But, the fact that you took your longest nap in an entire week, in my arms, so I could not move or enjoy the said water park was a little inconsiderate.
Love,
Your I-sat-for-over-an-hour-holding-you Mommy
Dear big kids,
I love that you are both tall enough to go on the slides! What a fun time we had!
Love,
Some parts of growing up are fun
Dear E,
I know she's "your daughter, too" but I clearly have an irrational fear of children drowning. So, lets not push my trigger as far as it will go before I snap. I don't really want you to take our 8 month old daughter into the wave pool in the deep end. She's tiny. What if she slips? How would you find her with all of those people? What if she gets water in her lungs and then "dry drowns" later? What if...
Always,
I'll stop now
Dear water park,
you and your awesome smelling fries sort of suck.
With regrets,
Soy and dairy free
Dear multiple women in the bikinis that have a stomach like mine,
I wish I had your moxie. You, clearly, must have some amazing self esteem that I lack. Rock it girl, rock it.
Regards,
too many stretch marks
Dear lady in a too-small bikini,
Please stop glaring at me while I feed my infant under this nursing cover. I am showing amazingly less skin than you at this moment.
Farewell,
Not showing any boobage
Your baby is precious, but please tell me that he's adopted or that your husband carried him in HIS womb for 9 months. Please! Otherwise, other mothers will be loathing themselves as they look at you and your flat abs in your itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, bright pink bikini.
Sincerely,
Other mother
Dear very pale and very big man,
I will help you put sunscreen on your back. But, only because I can spray it on. If it was a rub on kind, well, you know... You'd probably be burnt.
You're welcome,
A little weirded out
Dear Eliza,
I appreciate the fact that you were pretty tired at the water park. I don't usually mind holding you, either. But, the fact that you took your longest nap in an entire week, in my arms, so I could not move or enjoy the said water park was a little inconsiderate.
Love,
Your I-sat-for-over-an-hour-holding-you Mommy
Dear big kids,
I love that you are both tall enough to go on the slides! What a fun time we had!
Love,
Some parts of growing up are fun
Dear E,
I know she's "your daughter, too" but I clearly have an irrational fear of children drowning. So, lets not push my trigger as far as it will go before I snap. I don't really want you to take our 8 month old daughter into the wave pool in the deep end. She's tiny. What if she slips? How would you find her with all of those people? What if she gets water in her lungs and then "dry drowns" later? What if...
Always,
I'll stop now
Dear water park,
you and your awesome smelling fries sort of suck.
With regrets,
Soy and dairy free
Dear multiple women in the bikinis that have a stomach like mine,
I wish I had your moxie. You, clearly, must have some amazing self esteem that I lack. Rock it girl, rock it.
Regards,
too many stretch marks
Dear lady in a too-small bikini,
Please stop glaring at me while I feed my infant under this nursing cover. I am showing amazingly less skin than you at this moment.
Farewell,
Not showing any boobage
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Dear
Dear Baby,
(let me start off by saying anytime I call you "baby" I am almost always saying it with a little bit of venom in my voice.) I don't know why you felt the need to be up until 3:30 last night. Maybe you wanted to catch some Late Night with Jimmy or something. But, just an FYI, his show is over at like midnight or something. Next time, let me know in advance and we'll just watch it on Hulu the next day.
Love,
almost-invested-in-that-go-the-f-to-sleep-book mommy
Darling E,
Thank you, thank you, for getting up with the other 3 people AND making coffee for me. You will be showered with kisses when you arrive home.
Muah,
Coffee Breath
Dear A,
Dude! Your teacher conference totally rocked! I was so surprised and so happy to hear that you've been doing so well.
High five,
maybe your tonsillectomy worked!
Dear dance studio where my daughter takes dance,
While I'm all for dressing little girls in frilly dresses once or twice a year, I am not sure that all of your costumes are completely age appropriate (or, lets be honest, appropriate at all.) I'm thinking that its a little unwise to put black fish net tights, along with an outfit that looks like a corset, on a bunch of 14 year old girls wearing too much make up who are going to shake their boo-tay in front of a crowd of people. But, who am I to be making an accusation that every.single.one. of those parents should have made?
Sincerely,
last year of dance for daughter
Dear weather,
I love you.
Forever and ever,
a warm weather friend
Dear Grass,
I hate you and your brownness. Call me racist, but I'd rather you be green.
Every spring,
sweeping daily
Dear Isaac,
I'd love to stop taking you to the dr. Seriously. Stop getting sick. please. now.
Hugs and love,
"is that ear draining again" mommy
Dear Eliza,
I hear you on the monitor. Up there, cooing. Probably looking all cute and cuddly stuff. You don't fool me. I know the "real" 3 am you.
Love,
mommy
(let me start off by saying anytime I call you "baby" I am almost always saying it with a little bit of venom in my voice.) I don't know why you felt the need to be up until 3:30 last night. Maybe you wanted to catch some Late Night with Jimmy or something. But, just an FYI, his show is over at like midnight or something. Next time, let me know in advance and we'll just watch it on Hulu the next day.
Love,
almost-invested-in-that-go-the-f-to-sleep-book mommy
Darling E,
Thank you, thank you, for getting up with the other 3 people AND making coffee for me. You will be showered with kisses when you arrive home.
Muah,
Coffee Breath
Dear A,
Dude! Your teacher conference totally rocked! I was so surprised and so happy to hear that you've been doing so well.
High five,
maybe your tonsillectomy worked!
Dear dance studio where my daughter takes dance,
While I'm all for dressing little girls in frilly dresses once or twice a year, I am not sure that all of your costumes are completely age appropriate (or, lets be honest, appropriate at all.) I'm thinking that its a little unwise to put black fish net tights, along with an outfit that looks like a corset, on a bunch of 14 year old girls wearing too much make up who are going to shake their boo-tay in front of a crowd of people. But, who am I to be making an accusation that every.single.one. of those parents should have made?
Sincerely,
last year of dance for daughter
Dear weather,
I love you.
Forever and ever,
a warm weather friend
Dear Grass,
I hate you and your brownness. Call me racist, but I'd rather you be green.
Every spring,
sweeping daily
Dear Isaac,
I'd love to stop taking you to the dr. Seriously. Stop getting sick. please. now.
Hugs and love,
"is that ear draining again" mommy
Dear Eliza,
I hear you on the monitor. Up there, cooing. Probably looking all cute and cuddly stuff. You don't fool me. I know the "real" 3 am you.
Love,
mommy
Monday, August 22, 2011
Oh Dear! again
Dear I'm-going-to-throw-my-gum-wherever-I-may-please,
If you insist on throwing your gum in the parking lot, you will have to take care of the consequences. You now how 2 pairs of shoes to clean up for me. Please call me and we'll arrange a time for you to do this.
Thanks,
Sick of sticky shoes
Dear Self-
Never, ever, EVER try to make bias tape out of a super stretchy knit fabric again. It will not end well, and will likely result in lots of tears. (Thankfully, no one but E and I will see that home made miracle blanket up close anyway.)
Love,
I hate taking out seams
Dear Consignment sale,
Please sell lots of my baby clothes so I can pay for the new ones I'm buying.
Thanks so much,
loving-the-girl-stuff
Dear Isaac,
I love that you're getting more words (seriously, people! He's totally rocked his speech therapy! over 20 words now, and he said ZERO 4 months ago.) but would love it even more if you could kick "no, thank you" to the top to learn next. The incessant grunting of "uh-uh", while cute, is a little rude.
Fondly,
your also-add-"yes"-if-you-can mommy
Dear O and A,
You guys are so awesome and fun! I love hearing about your days at school and everything you're learning. Please don't ever stop telling me all about it.
Always,
Mommy
Dear O,
I know you hate handwriting. I know your teacher makes you do it "too long" every day. Unfortunately, you're a lefty, and your handwriting may need a little extra work through out the years. It happens.
Sincerely,
can't-remember-the-last-time-I-had-to-hand-write-something
Dear E,
So glad to have you home! Please don't leave me again. Please. And, just so you know, I cannot help it if I am jealous that you get to go to Hawaii for work. I also may not be completely "happy" for you. Especially since baby girl will only be a month old when you go.
Fondly,
I-wannnnnnnnnnaaaa-go-too!
Dear baby girl,
If you could just somehow relay the message to daddy that the name *I* have chosen is an awesome name, that'd be great. Also, maybe tell him you don't want to be named Jennifer, Jessica, Cathy, or Amy. While all good names, you are not 30.
Love and belly rubs,
I-want-to-name-you-soon
If you insist on throwing your gum in the parking lot, you will have to take care of the consequences. You now how 2 pairs of shoes to clean up for me. Please call me and we'll arrange a time for you to do this.
Thanks,
Sick of sticky shoes
Dear Self-
Never, ever, EVER try to make bias tape out of a super stretchy knit fabric again. It will not end well, and will likely result in lots of tears. (Thankfully, no one but E and I will see that home made miracle blanket up close anyway.)
Love,
I hate taking out seams
Dear Consignment sale,
Please sell lots of my baby clothes so I can pay for the new ones I'm buying.
Thanks so much,
loving-the-girl-stuff
Dear Isaac,
I love that you're getting more words (seriously, people! He's totally rocked his speech therapy! over 20 words now, and he said ZERO 4 months ago.) but would love it even more if you could kick "no, thank you" to the top to learn next. The incessant grunting of "uh-uh", while cute, is a little rude.
Fondly,
your also-add-"yes"-if-you-can mommy
Dear O and A,
You guys are so awesome and fun! I love hearing about your days at school and everything you're learning. Please don't ever stop telling me all about it.
Always,
Mommy
Dear O,
I know you hate handwriting. I know your teacher makes you do it "too long" every day. Unfortunately, you're a lefty, and your handwriting may need a little extra work through out the years. It happens.
Sincerely,
can't-remember-the-last-time-I-had-to-hand-write-something
Dear E,
So glad to have you home! Please don't leave me again. Please. And, just so you know, I cannot help it if I am jealous that you get to go to Hawaii for work. I also may not be completely "happy" for you. Especially since baby girl will only be a month old when you go.
Fondly,
I-wannnnnnnnnnaaaa-go-too!
Dear baby girl,
If you could just somehow relay the message to daddy that the name *I* have chosen is an awesome name, that'd be great. Also, maybe tell him you don't want to be named Jennifer, Jessica, Cathy, or Amy. While all good names, you are not 30.
Love and belly rubs,
I-want-to-name-you-soon
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
To my dears
Dear baby-
please stop pooping so much. Your bum and I will thank you.
Love much,
Sick of wiping poo
Dear A,
It should go with out saying that one scoop of sour cream in your 1/2 cup of soup is enough. You do not need two more scoops. And, yes, 3 scoops of sour cream make your soup look gross. Because it is.
Love,
You have to eat it now
Dear O,
I'm sorry you have asthma. It sucks, baby girl. It truely does. To agree with your statement: "I'm sick of this asthma" Me, too. Me, too.
Snuggles,
Your cough-hating mommy
Dear E,
The reason I want another daughter? Hmmm... Because boys don't call their moms every day. Or, apparently, buy them birthday gifts after age 20.
Sincerly,
Yes, I bought her a gift- you're welcome
Dear baby in my uterus,
Thank you for finally kicking hard enough to get passed that dang ol' anterior placenta. I love to feel you move.
Kisses,
Mommy
p.s. Please, please cooperate in two weeks for our anatomy scan. We want to if you're a he or a she.
Dear Dishes in my Sink,
If you could please do yourself, that would be super. I don't have time or energy to even give you more than a glance. I'm sure there will be comments from the peanut gallery about you later, so if you could take care of this buisiness before 5:00 p.m., that would be swell, too.
Thanks,
Sick of it
please stop pooping so much. Your bum and I will thank you.
Love much,
Sick of wiping poo
Dear A,
It should go with out saying that one scoop of sour cream in your 1/2 cup of soup is enough. You do not need two more scoops. And, yes, 3 scoops of sour cream make your soup look gross. Because it is.
Love,
You have to eat it now
Dear O,
I'm sorry you have asthma. It sucks, baby girl. It truely does. To agree with your statement: "I'm sick of this asthma" Me, too. Me, too.
Snuggles,
Your cough-hating mommy
Dear E,
The reason I want another daughter? Hmmm... Because boys don't call their moms every day. Or, apparently, buy them birthday gifts after age 20.
Sincerly,
Yes, I bought her a gift- you're welcome
Dear baby in my uterus,
Thank you for finally kicking hard enough to get passed that dang ol' anterior placenta. I love to feel you move.
Kisses,
Mommy
p.s. Please, please cooperate in two weeks for our anatomy scan. We want to if you're a he or a she.
Dear Dishes in my Sink,
If you could please do yourself, that would be super. I don't have time or energy to even give you more than a glance. I'm sure there will be comments from the peanut gallery about you later, so if you could take care of this buisiness before 5:00 p.m., that would be swell, too.
Thanks,
Sick of it
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