My weight loss, my match book, and my goal that isn't my goal anymore.

I've always been the "heavy" one in my family.  My mom is skinny minny.  So skinny, that she has to GAIN weight for an upcoming surgery.  My dad weighed less than I do now when he was 30.  My brother, well, he used to drink protein shakes in high school to try to gain weight.  So, yeah, I was wearing the fat jeans in our house.

After I got married, and I was in control of what I was eating, I joined weight watchers.  (A total aside here.  But, its still so strange to me that my body looked better then, at 24 lbs heavier, because I was all non stretched out and stuff.  Anywho...)  I lost 30 lbs. that I maintained for about a minute before I got pregnant. 

I learned, with each pregnancy, what to eat, and how to stay active.  O's pregnancy I gained around 50 lbs (yikes!)  A was 40 (though I still had an extra 20 from O's pregnancy still hanging on) I was 35 (I did lose all of A's weight) and E was 28. 

I thought gaining less this last time meant that it would be easier and less time consuming to lose the weight after the baby was born.  That held true, for about the first 2 weeks.  Breastfeeding makes me hungry, and it makes me hungry for sweets and protein.  Around 2 weeks, I completely stopped losing weight.

Around week 4, I started running again.  I lost, maybe, a pound or 2.  Not much, and certainly not enough for me to be comfortable standing up in my little brother's wedding on my 30th birthday with 20 somethings who have never had children.  Ahem.  Moving along.

I went dairy free for Eliza in the beginning of December.  I started to, finally, see a little weight come off with the dairy free diet combined with running.  When I saw this, I quickly wrote down my weight as of that day, so that I could enter it into my excel weight loss worksheet (totally E's doing.  Not mine.)  I wrote it down on something I had handy in my bathroom drawer. 

Well, I never got around to actually entering it into the spreadsheet.  The next time I weighed myself and I had lost weight, I wrote it down.  This is how my match book became my weight loss tracker. 

Contrary to the match book's record, I did gain some weight back here and there, and I joined Weight Watchers February 19, with a starting weight of 159.  Since then, I've lost 11 lbs. (15 lbs since January)  Which, for me, is pretty amazing.

I've hesitated to share because 1. I was afraid I wouldn't lose any weight and I'd feel silly and exposed. and 2. I didn't want people to feel bad when I boasted about my weight loss/weight goals.  So, really, its because I'm afraid of what people think about me. (Sounds about right.)

But, now that I've reached my goal weight that isn't my goal weight (Its my pre-pregnancy weight with Eliza.  I liked how I looked/felt at that weight then, pre-her, but not now.  A change in my body from pregnancy, I think.) I feel like I can step out for a minute and say something about it.  I feel like I can tell you all that I still want to lose more, even though my lowest weight in my adult life was only 6 lbs less than what I weigh now. I have no idea what I want my final goal to be, but I'm starting with another 5lbs.  I feel like I need to share, so that when I start trying to maintain my weight loss, you all can help me be accountable.

Plus, I totally want to show you all my awesomeness in my bridesmaid dress.  The one I AM going to feel good about wearing.

There it is.  Its out there.