I've added a blog

I'm officially a blog whore. I've created another blog just for my tutu creations. That way, I can post all of my creations in one spot, and a place for potential customers to get ideas.

here it is: http://www.tracystutus.blogspot.com/

What I've been up to:

More and more and more tutus. yay! I love it!

Feeling crafty?

I got this idea from photogrl, who got it from some one else (plus, i had to post it on my blog since I signed up for hers. its in the rules, you know. :) )

Here's how it works....The first 5 people to respond to this post will get something made by me, especially for you.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make but I hope you will.
2- What I create will be just for you.
3-They say I have a year to get it to you.
4- You have no clue what it's going to be. It’s a surprise to both of us at this point.

The catch? You must re-post this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog.

I get on my knees

Its weird, but whenever I start to feel at peace with my life, I can almost immediately start to feel the sadness creep in again. In my last post, I talked about how this part of my pregnancy is my favorite. It still is. But, in the last few days, I've found myself thinking about my lost babies a lot. I know that it will always be like that- a come and go kind of thing. But, often, it comes when I'm really not expecting it.

What triggered this bout of sadness was a facebook post authored by a long-time friend of mine. She simply posted: "I can't believe I only have 8 weeks left!" How could that possibly trigger sadness? She and I shared an October due date. I was due the exact same day as her. So, when I read "only 8 weeks left", I am reminded of that precious baby that I would've been holding in just 8 short weeks.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't give up this little man in my uterus now, not the one I've felt rolling, kicking, punching. I realize that I could not give birth both that baby and this guy. But, I still miss him/her. I still wish that I didn't have to say good bye so soon.

It is getting easier, of course, to deal with the grief when it hits. Mainly BECAUSE of baby boy. But, honestly, I thought that once I got pregnant and it stuck, that I wouldn't be crying over the one's I lost. But, I've slowly come to realize that that grief never goes away. It just gets easier to deal with, and its not as constant.

And, now, for the shameless photo plug of my children- on their knees, praying.

I love this part

To me, this week starts the fun part of my pregnancy. One of my favorite parts, actually. In the spirit of list making (since it is Monday and all- the official day for lists in our house) here's my "why I love this part" list.

Why I love this part:

• I don't feel like I'm going to up chuck every two seconds.
• I don't feel the need to close my eyes every time the children are engaged in an activity- just for a little rest.
• I got to see my baby via ultrasound, and watch it move all around, suck its thumb, and put its hand up by its face over and over again.
• We found out its a boy! It always is more fun for me to call the baby a "he" or "she" instead of an "it".
• Baby boy's kicks are getting stronger. I love feeling those kicks. I almost always stop what I'm doing to just relish them for a few minutes.
• The baby's kicks are getting strong enough for others to feel! Yipee! E felt him move last night, and the kids both felt a kick this morning. O's face was just unbelievable. Seriously, unbelievable! I wish I had a video of her reaction when she felt his kick. She said "momma! it just gave me a tiny kick!" She got to feel it three times, when all was said and done. If A wasn't begging for breakfast, I'm sure O would've sat there for many more minutes feeling baby boy move.

(Normally I would include things like "I'm not so uncomfortable", etc. However, I am finding that the third baby somehow makes your body think its in the third trimester a bit early. I'm not uncomfortable from my belly, per se. Its more the pelvic pain I feel when I stand or walk too long. It feels like my uterus is falling out.)

So, I am relishing these weeks of my pregnancy. I don't want them to last forever, since I do want to meet this little one. But, I'll love every movement and bump from with in until I do.

random thoughts

*I think I have another kidney stone. I think I mentioned that before, but its been worse lately. I've been having lots of lower back pain on my right side. Its only every once in a while, but when it hurts- it hurts!



*I officially have less then 20 weeks to go before we meet this baby.

*I always seem to get into a minor accident when I'm pregnant. When I was pregnant with O, I bumped into one of those yellow posts at the gas station. When I was pregnant with A, I broke the mirror off the car when I backed out of the garage. Today, I hit a post in the parking garage. I blame the kids for that one, really. they're the ones who convinced me to park down there today.

*I'm pretty sure E is going to be PISSED about the car. I've been praying all afternoon that he's in a good mood when he gets home. There's not much damage, but I'm sure the kids will tell him first thing.

*I also swore for the first time in ages. In front of my kids. Lovely. I don't think they heard me though.

*I'm hosting a mom's night out at our club house tomorrow night. I'm secretly hoping that people don't stay too late. Mainly because I might have to go take a nap for a bit...

*We're trying to plan a visit to the beach at the end of this month. We're looking at going to a Hilton resort in Destin. We were going to try to go in October when its a little cooler, but with the MO trip we just took everything got shifted. We were supposed to go to MI in the beginning of September. We really didn't want to take two LOOOOOONG trips right in a row. The Destin trip is only about 1/2 of our MI one.

*If something posted somewhere has a title like "Tracy don't peek", I can't help but peek. I know its probably wrong somehow, but it just drives me batty to see it there day after day.

*I have a dentist appointment on Monday. I really don't want to go. I HATE the dentist. arg.

*I bought the baby new bedding from target yesterday. Now, just trying to convince E to paint the nursery this weekend.

*I just bought my almost 4.5 year old a pair of 2T jeans.

*Every time I go into Gymboree, I leave wanting things. I should probably just avoid it all together.

Wednesday, wednesday

A picture from our "fun" part of the trip to MO. We stopped by the Memphis zoo. Very fun.

Precious in the sight of the LORD [is] the death of his saints. Psalms 116:15

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

Eric's grandpa passed away this morning.

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die..."

John 11:25-26

These pictures were taken only 8 short weeks ago,

We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord

2 Corinthians 5:8

1 week before he was diagnosed with Sarcoma.

Then I heard a voice from heaven say, "Write: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on." "Yes," says the Spirit, "they will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them."

Revelation 14:13

At his last doctor's appointment, he was given 4-6 weeks to live.

That appointment was a week ago today.

For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him.
—1 Thessalonians 5:9-10

Please keep our family in your prayers. Its going to be especially hard on Eric and his family. Its going to be hard for us to explain to a 3 year old and a 4 year old that the great grandpa they just met (and got attached to) is no longer living.

Its a "normal" baby boy!

Spine up top, belly down, face to the left, leg to the right.

Skull/face, and hand on top right

E and I kept seeing the "turtle" pop up while the technician was measuring the baby's legs. I said "is that what I think it is?" She said "what do you think it is?". I said "a penis." She replied "yep".

There it is. :)

Praise God that everything was normal! The baby was measuring, overall, a day behind my December 31st due date- not uncommon for my babies. Both O and A were small at their anatomy scan. However, the head was measuring about 5 days ahead, and the legs were 2 days behind. Sounds like A. The baby moved like crazy during the sonogram, too! The tech had a hard time getting measurements because he was so busy! Sounds a LOT like A.

Another neat thing was that I discussed my birth plan with my OB today. I was a little worried what she would have to say since she's referred to down here as the "C-section queen". She's very conservative in terms of risk, etc. Anyway, she was all for what I wanted to do. She even suggested that I ask for one of the hospital rooms that has the wireless monitoring system (only two rooms currently do). I said I was okay with an IV, etc. and she said she's not opposed to just an IV site and only using fluids if needed. THAT is a total answer to prayer, too! I really want a natural birth this time, but I really DIDN'T want to change OB's. I love mine, so I didn't want to give her up. But, I don't have to! Yay!

Other notable news- I may have a kidney stone. Again. I had 2 with O's pregnancy. Not.fun. But, the OB gave me a prescription in case of an attack. That's nice to have on hand. I lost a pound since my last visit. But, that could've been my lack of breakfast. :)

Well, there you have it! A healthy, baby boy. Testosterone is on the rise in our house.

Almost 19 weeks

No, this isn't the u/s results post. :) But, I'll update later. For now, a belly shot!

Normal

There are a lot of definitions for normal. If you look on Wikipedia, you'll see that it can be a noun or an adjective, it can refer to a behavior, or even math! It can even vary from person to person. My "normal" breakfast, probably isn't your normal breakfast, etc. I guess for this post, I'm more refering to this definition: conformance to an average.

I remember my parents saying, when I was growing up, that they didn't want me to be normal or average. They wanted me to be smarter, more mature, and braver than the other kids (hey, 1 out of three isn't bad. At least I was more mature than my friends. Eat that, suckers!) I find myself wanting the same sort of things for my children as well. I want them to excel, not just be middle of the road. I want them to be truly happy, not just normal kid-happy. I want them to be joyful, not complacent like the average or normal person.

However, as I find myself looking towards my anatomy ultrasound in two days, I realize I have never wanted anything to be more normal. To hear the word "normal" on Wednesday would make me joyful beyond belief.