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Monday, April 4, 2011

"What to expect when you're expecting...again."

Dear author of "What to Expect When You're Expecting",

Maybe you should consider the fact that women like to read during each of their pregnancies.  Not just the first one.  So when you write things like "you probably won't be showing, yet" or "you won't be able to feel the baby move for some time", you don't turn people like me off.  Because, let's face it, I've been in maternity gear since before the pee had time to dry on the stick, and I'm pretty positive I can now tell the difference between fetal movement and gas.  Maybe you should just write a new book, like "What to expect when you're expecting...again."  Or, "So you're knocked up for the fourth time."  Maybe "A Pregnancy Journal for a Woman Who's Had More Pregnancies Than Area Codes in Her State." (I have many more where those came from, too, but I'll spare you.)

Sincerely,
I'm still reading, but barely

p.s. I've included evidence of said "showing" that I'm not supposed to have yet according to your book.
10w 6d



Dear Zeke,
I know you're super proud of yourself for learning how to push our kitchen chairs around, then climbing up on them.  However, I'm kind of over the climbing up on the table, counters, touching the stove, and getting into the closet, etc.  You're more than welcome to stop doing that.  Please.
Love,
your tired-of-freaking-out mommy


Dear Zeke part II,
Oh, and if you'd like to stop falling and hitting yourself in random places, I'd love that, too.  You have enough bruises.
Love,
Can't-schedule-pictures-until-bruises-are-gone mommy



Dear weather,
you're a strange, strange thing.  Sure, the weekend was beautiful.  But, going from 83 degrees and sunny yesterday, to nasty storms today, to only 58 tomorrow is rough. 
Yours truly,
Can't-put-the-sweaters-away-yet-and-want-to


Dear A,
please, pretty please, stop doing things you're not supposed to do.  I'm tired of getting after you all of the time, and I'm sure you're tired of listening me get after you.  I don't know if you're trying to get attention, so I am trying to make an effort to give you some positive attention.  (Although, I doubt this is the case since you seem to be doing these things in private and trying to hide them.)  Please stop and remember to think before you act.
Love,
tired-of-time-out-talks mom

Dear E.
Not looking forward to 50 hour work weeks.  This means that I will  1. miss you a lot, or 2. miss your help a lot.  I think maybe both equally some days, and more number 2 some others.
All of my love,
not-looking-forward-to-doing-this-alone wife


Dear Dr. C's office,
Please call me back and give me the correct phone number for my appointment for my Nuchal Fold scan Friday.  I loathe making phone calls, and today was my scheduled day to do so.  Seeing as how you gave me some random, funky, non-answering phone number I'm guessing that it is not the right one.  Then, seeing as how you called me back with another number and I called THAT place, which has never heard of me, I'm guessing its messed up on your end again.  I need that information so I can make yet, more, phone calls. 
Regretfully,
the lady who-has-a-strange-phobia-of-calling-new-places

5 comments:

Erin said...

You look gorgeous and your post was hilarious :) Hope all is well- I think of you often!

d e v a n said...

That last one? How annoying! SO frustrating when you don't even WANT to make phone calls and are forced to make MORE of them. urgh.

You look lovely, btw. :)

And, I feel ya on the work weeks. Urgh 2.

Paulina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Paulina said...

I share that phobia! Actually I hate making any kind of phone calls unless it's my husband or parents! Funny uh?

Sarah said...

You look so pretty! I think after as many pregnancies as I've had (six total) my uterus is very poppy too. I could feel it by like week five of my last pregnancy. (Another reason I totally don't think I'm pregnant even after that weird little test incident last week. No tummy popping.)