Thursday, June 21, 2012

moving on, but digging my heels in

Its been a big week around here for this little girl.  Lots of growing up in a short time.

*She started crawling (really, a glorified army scoot) mere days ago, then just took off like a rocket.  She is super fast, y'all.  The child can go from one room to the next like speed lightening.  (It still shocks me that she mastered pulling up before crawling.  in.sane.)

*Her first tooth broke through on Friday of last week, followed by her second tooth on Sunday. (Her motto, "go big or go home!" when it comes to teething.  What ev.  She's a horrid teether, so I encourage extra effort to bring forth more teeth at a time.)

*She's mastered the art of going from a crawling position to a sitting position. (she's been a master of the sitting to crawling position for a while.  I call it the "lung" position.  She often times hurls her body towards the direction in which she wants to go.)

*She confronted her long time fear of Zhu Zhu pets.  (Okay, so maybe it wasn't by choice.  But, we did realize she is absolutely terrified of them.  Like shaking, and screaming, and gnashing of teeth scared.)

*She started waving.  (Not consistently, but who can really make a baby do things on command?!?)

All these things occurred with in a 10 day span.  I know I should be thrilled she's thriving, and I am.  I'm glad she's healthy, and on target with development.  However, I'm completely crushed that she's growing up.  Before she mastered movement, I could just pretend that she's still a tiny baby.  She is, in fact, still swaddled at night.  She didn't crawl, and she was content to hang out on mommy's hip.  She's gaining independence.

I have always loved the baby stage.  I've also have always been one to grieve the loss of my kids' infancy.  (as an aside, I'm convinced that people who say "oh, I don't get sad about them growing up.  I'm excited for what's ahead" are just not baby people.  You can't be a baby person and not be a teensy bit sad when your kiddos get out of that season of life.)  It just seems so wrong that she's my last.  I don't want to be done with babies.  I DON'T WANNA!

ahem.  sorry for the outburst.  As you can see, I'm not entirely at peace with our family's current decision to be finished having  children.  I'm still praying for that peace.  Or for a certain some one to change his mind.  I'm still praying for my heart to be changed.  That my favorite stage will change, and I will no longer pine for a tiny, smells-so-good, baby. 

In the meantime, I'm digging my heels into the proverbial ground, and holding onto Eliza tight.  Wishing her to stay a baby for just a teeny, tiny, bit longer.  Pretty please.

1 comment:

Mommy Attorney said...

I can't imagine being in your situation, but I will pray for you. I'm not really a baby person - my favorite year is 1-2, despite the ornery-ness.

At least with four children, you stand a very good chance of having lots of grandbabies some day to snuggle! (I realize that's a long way from now, but I'm looking for some consolation)