A dripping wife?

It comes as no surprise, I'm sure, to hear that I've been having a hard time this past month (or the past year and a half). I have a lot more bad days than I used to. Most of them due to my mind set, and not the circumstances of my actual day.

Those bad days, almost always, come to a head right around 4:30ish. Right when my unsuspecting husband tends to walk through the door. I have been really trying to contain my frustration during the day with my children. Trying to be a good mother. But, there's always that build up, needing to escape. Often times, escaping on my husband.

Sure, he's not perfect. He doesn't call when he's running late, he doesn't call just to say "I love you", and he tends to be a tad clueless about emotional stuff. But, he's still a great husband. He works hard at work, and rarely brings it home. He's an amazing father. In fact, a better father than I am a mother. He loves our kids, and sets up mini safari's in our room with jungle animals and lets the kids play with our $300 camera to take pictures of the event. He watches CSI with me, even though he hates how unbelievable it is. He lets me have $5 a week from our budget just for my favorite coffee place. He's a great guy.

When he left for work today (at 5:50 am- he likes to get home early so he can spend more time with the kids) I couldn't sleep due to the rain. When it rains hard, it drips really loudly into downspout from the gutter. Its quite annoying.

Since I was awake with out children, (which is really rare, which you know if you know my children at all...) I decided to read my bible for a few minutes. I like to read a chapter of Proverbs every day, (if I can and if I remember) the one that coincides with what day of the month it is. Since there are 31 chapters, its perfect for monthly readings. Almost always there is one verse that sticks out to me. Drives home a point.

Today was, obviously, chapter 27. The verse- 15.

15 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day

Yikes. Remember that dripping that was keeping me awake? Very loud, very annoying. Not a fun noise at all.

I go onto read in my study bible, and it talks about how constant dripping is sometimes used as a torture tactic. Torture?? Wow. Did that ever speak to me. Especially since my words to E this morning were not of the nicest nature (but, for my credit, he was putting his ice cold hands on my warm legs- trying to make a move while I was sleeping...)

I could go into more deep thoughts, but I'll leave it with this: I'm praying that God will help me in my attitude towards my husband on my bad days. Let me be sunshine, not a dripping wife.

A negative is a negative

no falsies here. Apparently, Aunt Flow decided to grace me with her presence earlier than normal. Much earlier.

This is craptastic. Only 12 days past ovulation again. Not good. Not good at all. Not to mention that only puts my cycle at 27 days. Which would be fine if I ovulated EARLIER!

Grrrrr!


and- for giggles, I like that blogger's spell check keeps yelling yellow highlights at me to fix "craptastic" during spell check.

Moving on

I debated on sharing part of my life today. But, in all honesty, its not like I hide anything well. I might as well tell now, since I'll probably tell tomorrow or some other day.

I caved. I took a pregnancy test today. (Wait, wait! Before you get your hopes up, it was negative.) See, here's the thing. I promised myself I would wait. I would wait until my period was actually due, instead of testing early. Sure, I've gotten positives with every single other pregnancy 12 days past ovulation. Today is twelve days past ovulation. But, I told myself: just wait.

Did I? I made it about half way through the day. I stayed strong this morning. But, after putting the kids down for naps, I gave in. I thought "well, I'll want to start the shots right away if I am pregnant". Its amazing how I break promises to myself. A lot.

I guess its time to move on, though. Seeing as those tests are so sensitive, I highly doubt that it was a false negative. Pretty sure that my period will be right on time.

I'm trying not to get down. Its only been few weeks since my last miscarriage, but I was still secretly hoping...

today

Reasons why I feel icky:

• I woke up at 4:30 a.m. (not by a child, either!)
• I came up with a really good idea, but I couldn't get the idea out of my head
• I couldn't go back to sleep
• I'm extremely hot for some reason
• I feel sick to my tummy
• I can't drink my coffee because I'm feeling nauseas and hot
• My children are screaming in time-out (and NOT for the first time today)

Reasons I am happy:

• Its Mother's Morning Out day!
• I'm hoping my nauseousness is the result of a pregnancy (and not just a tummy bug)
• I'm going to wrap O's birthday gifts today
• I'm almost finished tagging clothes for the consignment sale
• I made a pillow case dress in under 20 minutes yesterday (even though my machine has a mind of its own!)
• I just printed a free, (yes, FREE!) sub coupon from Quiznos
• I have an interview for a nanny position tomorrow evening- its for a 8 week old! (gotta get my baby fix in sometime...)

Verification?

Is it just me, or do these letters from our Alphabet cereal look like blogger's verification words?

Top left: a 'B', maybe?

Is that bottom left letter an 'R' or an 'A'?

E thinks I need to email POST and tell them that our Alphabets are illegible.

Maybe they should retake first grade handwritting...

Be patient

be patient, be patient
don't be in such a hurry.
when you are impatient,
you only start to worry.
remember, remember,
that God is patient, too.
And think of all the times,
when others have to wait on you!


I'm singing this song to myself: over and over again. Its 9 days past ovulation and I'm getting rather impatient. I'd really like to test. But, I won't. I promise. Today at least.

Silent (almost) Sunday: blessings in pictures

Following in my friend Devan's footsteps: my blessing in a picture:

Because its just too much work to sit up, and at the table, to eat.