Friday, February 27, 2009

A dripping wife?

It comes as no surprise, I'm sure, to hear that I've been having a hard time this past month (or the past year and a half). I have a lot more bad days than I used to. Most of them due to my mind set, and not the circumstances of my actual day.

Those bad days, almost always, come to a head right around 4:30ish. Right when my unsuspecting husband tends to walk through the door. I have been really trying to contain my frustration during the day with my children. Trying to be a good mother. But, there's always that build up, needing to escape. Often times, escaping on my husband.

Sure, he's not perfect. He doesn't call when he's running late, he doesn't call just to say "I love you", and he tends to be a tad clueless about emotional stuff. But, he's still a great husband. He works hard at work, and rarely brings it home. He's an amazing father. In fact, a better father than I am a mother. He loves our kids, and sets up mini safari's in our room with jungle animals and lets the kids play with our $300 camera to take pictures of the event. He watches CSI with me, even though he hates how unbelievable it is. He lets me have $5 a week from our budget just for my favorite coffee place. He's a great guy.

When he left for work today (at 5:50 am- he likes to get home early so he can spend more time with the kids) I couldn't sleep due to the rain. When it rains hard, it drips really loudly into downspout from the gutter. Its quite annoying.

Since I was awake with out children, (which is really rare, which you know if you know my children at all...) I decided to read my bible for a few minutes. I like to read a chapter of Proverbs every day, (if I can and if I remember) the one that coincides with what day of the month it is. Since there are 31 chapters, its perfect for monthly readings. Almost always there is one verse that sticks out to me. Drives home a point.

Today was, obviously, chapter 27. The verse- 15.

15 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day

Yikes. Remember that dripping that was keeping me awake? Very loud, very annoying. Not a fun noise at all.

I go onto read in my study bible, and it talks about how constant dripping is sometimes used as a torture tactic. Torture?? Wow. Did that ever speak to me. Especially since my words to E this morning were not of the nicest nature (but, for my credit, he was putting his ice cold hands on my warm legs- trying to make a move while I was sleeping...)

I could go into more deep thoughts, but I'll leave it with this: I'm praying that God will help me in my attitude towards my husband on my bad days. Let me be sunshine, not a dripping wife.


d e v a n said...

Oh Tracy, I'm sorry you're struggling. I have days where I AM SURE I sound like a dripping faucet or much worse. lol
It's so hard not to have an outlet for the frustration that can build up. I'm sure E knows how much you appreciate him and what a great wife you are. Thanks for sharing that verse, it really hit home for me today too. I'm reading The Love Dare and have struggled with the FIRST challenge. (Saying nothing negative to your spouse for 1 day.) Sheesh.

T- said...

I am so sorry you are going down a hard road right now. But I am also very glad you are able to find those rays of sunshine. May they shine down on you from now on!

Anna said...

It sounds like we're going through a lot of the same things right now, Tracy. *hugs* Thank you for sharing your experience and the bible verse.

Heidi said...

What a challenging thought. Thanks for sharing that! I needed the reminder.

Katie said...

I know your struggling right now and I am so sorry!
I think we all sound like that dripping at one time or another. So glad God was able to open your eyes a little and use you to teach others! My DH is wonderful as well and I really needed to be reminded..Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Hey, I left you a little something on my blog - go check it out!

Heather said...

I am so sorry. I think many of us feel like that dripping faucet at times. You're not alone, we are all here for you. Many hugs.

Lynette said...

I just found your blog. I'm so sorry for the loss of your babies. It's been over a year now since my last miscarriage but I still have hard days - I take them out on my husband too! Will make sure I give him an extra special hug when he comes home tonight - Thank you for the reminder to be more sunshine than rain!
lynette x