It comes as no surprise, I'm sure, to hear that I've been having a hard time this past month (or the past year and a half). I have a lot more bad days than I used to. Most of them due to my mind set, and not the circumstances of my actual day.
Those bad days, almost always, come to a head right around 4:30ish. Right when my unsuspecting husband tends to walk through the door. I have been really trying to contain my frustration during the day with my children. Trying to be a good mother. But, there's always that build up, needing to escape. Often times, escaping on my husband.
Sure, he's not perfect. He doesn't call when he's running late, he doesn't call just to say "I love you", and he tends to be a tad clueless about emotional stuff. But, he's still a great husband. He works hard at work, and rarely brings it home. He's an amazing father. In fact, a better father than I am a mother. He loves our kids, and sets up mini safari's in our room with jungle animals and lets the kids play with our $300 camera to take pictures of the event. He watches CSI with me, even though he hates how unbelievable it is. He lets me have $5 a week from our budget just for my favorite coffee place. He's a great guy.
When he left for work today (at 5:50 am- he likes to get home early so he can spend more time with the kids) I couldn't sleep due to the rain. When it rains hard, it drips really loudly into downspout from the gutter. Its quite annoying.
Since I was awake with out children, (which is really rare, which you know if you know my children at all...) I decided to read my bible for a few minutes. I like to read a chapter of Proverbs every day, (if I can and if I remember) the one that coincides with what day of the month it is. Since there are 31 chapters, its perfect for monthly readings. Almost always there is one verse that sticks out to me. Drives home a point.
Today was, obviously, chapter 27. The verse- 15.
15 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day
Yikes. Remember that dripping that was keeping me awake? Very loud, very annoying. Not a fun noise at all.
I go onto read in my study bible, and it talks about how constant dripping is sometimes used as a torture tactic. Torture?? Wow. Did that ever speak to me. Especially since my words to E this morning were not of the nicest nature (but, for my credit, he was putting his ice cold hands on my warm legs- trying to make a move while I was sleeping...)
I could go into more deep thoughts, but I'll leave it with this: I'm praying that God will help me in my attitude towards my husband on my bad days. Let me be sunshine, not a dripping wife.