I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it! I'm about to loose control and I think I like it!

First of all, I never realized how sexual that song is. Did you? Holy Toledo! Here's the youtube video.


Okay, so that is really not at all the topic of today's blog post. What I'm excited about is this:

~~~I'm out of the first trimester!~~~

Hallelujah! Seriously, folks, this is a miracle.

I know that I've made it here before. I know that its really not a "special" occasion to most people. I can tell you that there was not the same elation in reaching the second trimester with my other two children. Mainly because I had yet to experience the loss of a pregnancy (I lost a baby before Austin, but we didn't know I was pregnant until I was already having a miscarriage).

But, this time around, it is a special occasion. I feel like I could go and dance in joy. I might just do that now.

Something to be proud of

Some of you may not know, but I make tutus for just about any occasion. All different colors and sizes. Some with ribbon, some with pom poms, some with sparkly embellishments. So, all of my IRL friends (that stands for in real life friends, if you don't know) expect a tutu for birthday gifts if they have a little girl.



We were invited to a birthday party for a little friend of A's who was turning 3. She was having a mini mouse themed party. I thought to myself "perfect! I already have a tutu made for her!". I had made O a black tutu with pink ribbon (it was actually a tutu dress at first) for her birthday. O is especially particular about color (if its not pink or purple, it isn't for girls) and has never once even tried it on. So, I was going to pass it onto my friend's daughter. As I was packaging it up on the day of the party, O stopped me and said "you can't give my tutu away!!!! I don't want to wear it, but I don't want anyone else to wear it either." Okay, so she didn't say that last part, but she was very adamant that I not give the beloved tutu away.



I quickly rushed into my sewing/scrapbooking nook in the bonus room, desperately searching for tulle. I found a few spare rolls, but nothing exciting. They were mainly fillers. But, I came across my scraps bag and I got a wonderful idea. An idea that took me about 4 hrs to pull together, but a great idea indeed!




A "scrap" tutu. I absolutely adore it! The ribbon was pulled from my ribbon bag (from hobby lobby!) and painstakingly measured and cut and nail polished (so the ends don't frey) and the tulle counted out and cut as well. What you can't see is a matching hair clipie that I made as well. I'm pretty proud of that thing, too.

I actually thought, for two seconds, about keeping it for my O and just stopping by the store on our way to the party. That's how much I love this tutu. Then I remembered that my friend hands me down all of her kid clothes to store away for the next babe. Hopefully, I'll be getting it back some day.

still here

O is very sick. I mean, laying on the floor sick. So, I probably won't be posting for a bit. Happy monday to all!

Note to self:

Just reminding myself how cute they can be when they're not getting into things. Or fighting. Or screaming. Or waking up at 5:15 am.

in a funk of sad

The last few days, I've been feeling sad and down. Don't get me wrong, I'm still thrilled that I'm pregnant. Thrilled that I can find the baby's heart beat on the doppler almost every time (and at least once a day. Not that I check more than once a day, of course.) But, still I have a general feeling of sadness.

It stems from a couple of things.

1. I keep thinking about my baby that I lost in January. The one that would've been due in October. I keep running into people who are due in October or see them online, etc. I see them finding out the gender, buying clothes, decorating nurseries. It keeps me thinking and missing that precious baby. I know that I have life inside of me now, and that makes me joyful! But, I will never forget those that I have lost. For some reason, I've been thinking about that particular baby more than usual.

2. It looks like Eric's grandpa, (the one we visited a week and a half ago) is going to die pretty soon. Its all pretty sudden. His arm/shoulder has been hurting for a few months. Apparently, he thought he injured it. While we were there, he was barely able to support it just standing. He needed to be sitting with it resting on something. Anyway, in the course of those few months, his arm started to swell and get hot. We all convinced him to call the dr. ASAP. He went the day we left. They did an x-ray and found a very large mass in his shoulder. The family practitioner didn't really know what it was (a tumor, cancer, etc.) so he was sent off to get a bone scan and a few other tests. It turns out that it is cancer and he has numerous spots on his lungs as well. Before his last appointment on thursday, he started coughing up blood. He is waiting to go see the oncologist in Kansas City next week, but in the mean time, his family practitioner says it doesn't look good. (Of course he also said some other things that sounded a little "off". He isn't an oncologist, of course, so I'm sure that they will be anxious to hear what THAT dr. says.)

3. Eric's sister's birthday was on the 15th. For those of you who don't know, she died from Leukemia several years ago. Her birthday is a hard day for Eric and his parents.

4. I'm pregnant and my hormones are out of control. This may be the main culprit- the underlying current of all of it.

I feel like I should go look up a bible verse that talks about God comforting the sad. But, instead, I'll just say that I *know* God comforts the sad. He comforts me daily.

Eventually, I'll get out of this funk. I'll be back to my chipper self. Or, at least, a larger version of my chipper self.

the one where I show how enormous I really am

11 weeks. I kid you not. Not 20, 11.

Its that time again

I need YOUR help! I need suggestions (as always) for a good song to use for my little A-man's birthday slide show. He's going to be 3! He's a complete ham, loves to make people laugh, and is quite sociable.

Any takers for this challenge?

Instead of posting what's on my mind, I'll post this instead. Pictures are more fun than my lack of adaquate words.

Have your cake and eat it, too. (Or gag on it. Your choice.)

We're headed to MO early tomorrow morning. We're going to E's grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary party deal. It should be interesting to say the least. I mean, I love a good family drama, but I don't think I'm ready for this level of magnitude. But, hey, we've never been to Missouri (or misery as E calls it when we joke around) together. We've never been to Mississippi or Arkansas (we're driving through both to get there). It'll be new, that's for sure!

Of course, I haven't packed a thing. Well, that's not true. I packed the kid's bags. But, not a thing for myself. I can't find the motivation. I think because I'm in that in-between stage (not complaining! just stating a fact here! I'm glad I'm far enough along to be in the in-between stage...) and nothing really fits. Well, the maternity clothes fit, but they just make me look fat. Not pregnant. That's the way every pregnant woman wants to look, right?

Well, I can assure you, the looking fat isn't due to my birthday cake intake. As blasphemous as it sounds, I only had 1 tiny piece of my own birthday cake. Just one. I couldn't even finish that one because of my morning sickness that day.

That's okay, though. I'm pretty confident that the kids spit on it anyway.

8 weeks and 3 days and 9 weeks and 3 days

Last tuesday

Yesterday:

the baby looks more blobish, but it really wasn't. It was just moving a ton- too much to get a clear picture.

Just as an update

I'm going to post pictures tomorrow, but everything looked good at Dr. C today. They got me in for another u/s. The baby's heart was beating away- 179 bpm. Yay! He or she was also moving a ton! They couldn't really get a clear picture to print because it kept moving its legs and arms all around.

Of course, I had a mild break down in the office when Dr. C came in to talk with me. She hugged me and passed the tissues. Then she said, "you have every right to be nervous. You've had more things happen to you than most women who walk in these doors. In fact, I don't think we've ever had someone with 6 losses here. If we need to bring you in here every week, we will. You won't be the first, and you won't be the last to do that."

Ah. Reassurance. Reassurance that I'm not the only crazy lady out there. :-) But, seriously, reassurance that I'm in good hands and that they care about me. Nice. Super nice.

It just keeps on coming

I'm feeling beat down, discouraged, and tired. Extremely tired. I had a heck of a day yesterday, starting off with a confrontation. If you know me at all, you probably know that I hate confrontation. Wait, no. I loathe confrontation. I never say what I really mean or want to say because I just want it to be over with. (the exception, however, is with E. I feel comfortable with confrontation with him. he may wish I didn't, though...)

Through out the day, I had several other incidents. Topping off the day with spotting... Again. I called the OB's office- who were apparently already closed for the day- and left a message. Its almost 9 am and I'm contemplating calling them again, but I don't want to be seen as the crazy lady.

I wish I could just find the heart beat with my Doppler already. I know its early, but it would ease my mind so much!