No, this isn't a belated "getting to know me" blog post where I tell you all about my life history. Although, maybe I should do one of those sometime... But, alas, that sometime is not today.
Yesterday I attended a new women's bible study that just started up (for the year, they've done this study before) called "Mom to Mom". Its based on the Passages from Titus 2. In Titus 2, it talks about how older mothers, wives, etc. should mentor younger ones. That principle, is basically what the entire study is based upon. During the study, we'll watch a dvd, follow up with group discussion, then break into smaller groups for small group discussion.
Side note: (In the past, they've had a rather large group of women (I know because I was working in the nursery, watching their children. :) ) and I was surprised to see only about 7 younger moms and 3 mentor moms. That's a rather "intimate" number for a church our size. )
Yesterday was mainly spent trying to get to know one another through introductions and discussion of random topics. Normally, when someone asks me to introduce myself, and include how many children I have, I don't mention the babies we lost. Its not one of those things I do, like "Hi. Nice to meet you. My name's Tracy and I've had 6 miscarriages." For one, its embarrassing. (Don't ask me to get into this. I'm not really sure why it embarrasses me. Maybe because my body likes to kick things out??) Two, I almost always cry. Three, I find it makes other people uncomfortable (the crying and the miscarriages).
Lately, however, I've found that the babies I have lost have changed who I am, spiritually and emotionally. Can I honestly tell someone about myself with out mentioning them? Can I open myself up and be sincere about issues I struggle with daily if I don't include something so life changing? I think the answer to those questions is: no. I can't. If I want to get anything out of this bible study, the mentoring, and the fellowship of moms, I have to open myself up and show my scars. I have to introduce myself and my family by saying:
"I'm Tracy. I've been married to my high school sweetheart for 6.5 years. I have a 4.5 year old, a 3 year old, 6 babies in heaven, and one baby boy due in December."
(Interestingly enough, I found out later in the bible study that two of the women who were in the bible study had seen the same RE as me. They also both went through a few rounds of IVF. )