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Thursday, July 1, 2010

throwing babies, stress, and the death of creativity

When O was about 6 months old, E threw her across the room. (He claims he tossed her gently, but my version makes for better story telling.) She was screaming crying loudly and I needed a break from the noise. I sent E in to rock her. As E was headed to the rocking chair, he tripped. As he was falling, O sailed out of his arms, blissfully unaware of her misfortune, and landed with a thud.

E, of course, felt horrible. I came running into the room, not knowing what on earth had happened (all I heard was "thud" and then a "waaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!"). Turns out, she had actually landed onto a large pillow and E was the one who had made the thud, and O's crying was only from the shock of it all.

I had a similar incident today. Except for one little difference. I didn't throw toss accidentally drop the baby. He was unable to be dropped/thrown/projectiled into the air because he was in the sling, snug against my body. (I actually fell into the road, crossing the street to get from one of our church buildings to another.) Zeke didn't even hit the pavement. In fact, he seemed to enjoy the funny ride, and had a big grin on his face after I stood up. (I'll pretend he enjoyed the ride, versus laughing at his mommy's klutzy-ness.)

I, however, didn't walk away unscathed. A few scrapes, and some bruises. Definitely a bruised ego for sure, and probably some physical ones as well. Thank God that Zeke was in the sling and I couldn't drop him. It would've really hurt him if I had...


Which is kind of stressful to think about. Stress, stress, stress. To say that I've been overwhelmed lately is, well, an understatement. I feel like nothing is getting done right/well enough/fast enough and that there is always a to-do list a mile long. A friend wanted me to sew some stuff for her, I's baby food issues (we've now decided to skip purees all together) the kids have taken turns getting sick, thrush, antibiotics, etc, etc, etc.

In efforts to try to lose more weight, I've started running the past two weeks. However, I feel like instead of relieving stress, like everyone claims, its actually causing more. Stress over when to fit it in, where to do it, how long, how far, how to keep the kids entertained, etc. Not to mention it cuts into my kid-free time in the evenings, and my hubby time. I feel like E and I haven't' seen each other much this week. He and I were alternating what evenings to go run/workout. When we get back, its shower then sleep.

I could go on and on and on. But, I won't. I've decided to cut back on some expectations as well as some things. For instance, part of my stress is coming from my creativity. I get excited about ideas of things to make. Particularly, things I can make by sewing. But, I get stressed when it doesn't work the way I want, or it takes longer than expected, or I don't have time/energy/hands to do it. So, the sewing machine is getting put away this afternoon. Back into the master bedroom closet. Away where ideas can't stare me in the face every day while I sit nursing the baby, wishing I had free hands.

I'm not sure what else I am going to cut out right now. I might try to combine my devotions with running and see how that goes. Maybe some sermons on my mp3 player, or some worship music perhaps (but, I need fast music, so I'm not sure what to shoot for there...) Whatever the changes are, it has to change for my peace of mind. It needed to change yesterday.

8 comments:

Kristin said...

I will be praying for you...it is such a balance and it seems something always suffers. Continue to pray that God will show you what He would have you do for the day....and see the journey He takes you on!! :)

Have a Happy 4th!!
Kristin

Terrie Regensburger said...

I am glad you are ok, I imagine shook up is a good way to describe you this afternoon! I know its hard to fit it all in - But you are a inspiration! You seem to always have it "together" !

See you Thursday !
Terrie

Birdie said...

Oh wow... I bet that fall was very nerve wracking!! I'm so glad it was minor! I'm sorry that you've been feeling so stressed lately. I hope it takes some of the pressure off to have the sewing machine put away!

The Workman Family said...

That fall would scare me too!I'm so glad I was in the sling!!
I'm impressed you've started running, I literally have not fit exercise into my life in awhile.

Ambitious Blonde said...

Hugs! Just take it one day at a time. We're here for you.

嘉琬嘉琬 said...

成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。.................................................................

Mama2Boys said...

I also have had to give up exercising. everyone gets overwhelmed every now and then. Don't let it get you down. I would definitely cut some things out of your life though.

That fall would have scared me also, glad you are both (relatively) ok. (((hugs)))

Photogrl said...

I'm glad to hear that you're both okay...albeit a little shaken!

It's so hard to find balance. I really hope that you find some soon...stress is no fun!

((HUGS))