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Monday, March 2, 2009

The next step

I feel nervous. I've just been really praying that God would lead us in our TTC journey. Leading us to do the procedures he wants us to do, making it clear when there are ones that he doesn't want us to do. To give us, (mainly me) peace in our decisions.

As I mentioned before, the last time Dr. H and I spoke, he said something about the possibility of a laparoscopy after another loss. At the time, I was consumed with grief (from learning that we were about to loose another baby) that I was unable to really ask questions, or even think of questions.

I called the office today to tell them that I had started my period. I was expecting a little lashing because I left a message saying that we weren't going to do the Clomid this month. I also asked why Dr. H wanted to wait on the laparoscopy. Is there a magic number of losses to do this procedure, or is he trying to spare me from testing/surgery, or what? I wasn't really expecting much in the answer back. Last time I approached him about changing up the plan, it wasn't received well.

Anyway, during naps today, my phone started vibrating. I knew it was the dr's office, but A was laying with me and was just back asleep. I didn't want to answer, or leave the bed and wake him up. I got the voicemail just a little bit ago. The nurse said that Dr. H says there's no real reason to wait if I'd like to proceed with the laparoscopy.

So, do I want to proceed with the laparoscopy? I definitely feel like some thing's wrong with my body- and not an issue with our 6 babies. But, is it the right thing to do? Is it what I should do?

Guide our hearts, Lord. We need your direction. Is this the next step?

5 comments:

d e v a n said...

I hope you find the answer you're looking for.

Kathryn said...

I don't understand exactly where you are, but understand a little. We are in the process - i made an appt with a RE today. I worry about running ahead of God, & a number of other things.

This is not a path that has a clear map: "This is right, this is wrong." And so we are left with the difficulty of trying to chart a path & pray & hope that it is God's will.

I'm not big on surgery, but if you truly think the problem is something in your body, & the surgery would help find that answer, i'd listen to what your body is telling you. A number of my medical issues arose because i listened to other folks (including docs) when my body was telling me something else.

God bless, dear, & may he direct you.

Heather said...

May God give you the answers you are looking for. You are in my thoughts and prayers. HUGS

Lisa said...

(((hugs)))

Anna said...

I hope you get a clear answer to your prayers. If you decide to go with the laparoscopy, feel free to pm me with any questions you have. I had one about 6 years ago, and it was key in our ttc journey. (Anna D from MO)