Monday, January 31, 2011


One of my friends posts "dear" letters occasionally.  Hers are short, sweet, and funny.  Mine are a bit longer, but certainly gets it off my chest. :)

Dear dog-walking neighbor,
I know its inconvenient to pick up poo when your dog goes on the side walk.  Trust me, I know.  We used to have a dog.  But, its a one-time inconvenience for you.  When you leave it, its an inconvenience to me and my crew every time we walk on said side walk to and from the bus stop every day.  So, what is that?  Four times a day?  Yeah.  Its proving to be a little more than a simple inconvenience, especially when they step in it. 
Do you need a bag? I have plenty.  Maybe I should leave some outside for you.  You know, so its more convenient for you.

Much love and puppy dog kisses,
Your sick-of-side-stepping poo neighbor

Dear Isaac,
I know you love to nurse.  Especially at night.  Thanks for being such a trooper these last few days as we started night weaning.  Thanks, especially, for not hating me in the mornings like you so clearly do at night when I don't nurse you.  It will get easier.  I promise.  In the meantime, maybe we should start a 12 step program for you.

your over-tired mommy

Dear Miss I-hate-all-people receptionist,
If I'm not mistaken, being a receptionist at a doctor's office does require some interaction with people.  If you really hate the human race that much, maybe you should consider another line of work.

the patient-who-simply-called-to-check-our-appointment-time

Dear A,
You are not as stealthy as you think.  When sneaking food,  you may want to consider throwing away the evidence when you are through.  Believe it or not, I won't believe you when you say that Isaac got into that banana all by himself.

your grocery poor mother

Dear O-
I know you want Twinkle Toes.  I know.  I know.  I know!  We bought them for your birthday so BE PATIENT!

Can't spend $40 on girl's shoes just because.

Dear E,
You make me laugh.  With your sense of humor, and your ability to fall asleep at 7:30.

your bored and lonely wife

Dear me,
Stop eating crap.

your future self


Erin said...

HAHAHAHAHA I laughed so hard reading this! We used to live in an apartment and someone in our building would let their dog poop on the sidewalk and not pick up up (once they even pooped in the hallway). I got so sick of cleaning up someone else's dog crap (especially when I had plenty of baby crap at home to clean up) that I left plastic bags and a note by the mailboxes. They probably hated me, but it made me feel MUCH better! Thanks for sharing, you're a trip!


d e v a n said...

haha! These were GREAT!!! loved the last one. :)

Sarah said...

These were all quite awesome. I loved the one about your husband falling asleep at 7 30!

Mommy Attorney said...

Very cute. Just looking at your categories- your next child's name needs to start with a U.

Leza said...

HAHAHAHA I love that! You are hilarious. Especially the "lonely and bored wife" part. I should write that to my husband and leave it on his xbox...maybe he'd get the hint that cleaning the house is NOT my idea of a fun Saturday night.I wish we could just write a friendly reminder/note to everyone/everything that annoys us and expect changes.

I might steal this idea someday....hahaha

Stacey said...

I need to print your letter to E and post it to John's forehead while he is sleeping on the couch, at around 7:30 too!!

Terrie Regensburger said...

I LOVE THis post ~! Thank YOu ! I needed to read this today ! so Thanks !

Raechel said...

Haha! Loved reading these this morning! Have a lovely Monday, friend!