Two different worlds

Tomorrow, at 1:00 pm CST, E and I will head to the OBGYN and have our anatomy scan done for this little baby bit growing in my uterus.  Scheduling the first appointment after lunch, in hopes that we can avoid a long waiting room experience.  (I can't believe I have to wait until 1, though. I may drive myself insane...)

As I type this, I'm actually praying.  And listening to worship music.  And crying.

Why?

Because I am stuck between two different worlds. 

World number 1: So excited to get to see our baby bit tomorrow.  So excited to hopefully find out if it is a he or a she in there.  So excited to see him or her move around on the monitor, and get to take pictures home to keep.

But, there's another world I live in. 

World number 2: I'm scared something might be wrong.  I know what anatomy scans are for, and its not finding out the gender of the baby.  Its for finding abnormalities, birth defects, problems with the baby or with me.  I know, all too well, that things don't always go as planned.  In fact, they rarely do.  I have known too many women who go into their scans with hopes and dreams, and come out crushed with a harsh reality of dispair.

Honestly, it is hard to live in either world for long.  If I try to dwell on "is the baby a boy? or a girl?" I am quickly reminded of world 2.  If I dwell on the later, well, it does no one any good.  Especially me. It makes me jumpy, depressed, worried, and anxious.

I know this is not a new experience to those who have lost babies.  In fact, I remember quite clearly the way I felt last time around.


There's a balance somewhere there. I know it. Which is why I'm praying. And listening to worship music. And crying.

I'm listening and watching this song, The More I Seek You.  It is one of my favorites that we sing at church.


My favorite lyric: "I melt in your peace.  It's overwhelming."

May I be overwhelmed by His peace.  Today, and tomorrow, and the next day.  No matter what the results of tomorrow are.

Diaper shower woes

For expectant mothers, my Mother's of Young Children bible study normally throws a diaper shower.  We had one of these said showers today.  I ordered diapers off Amazon last week, thinking they would have plenty of time to get here before the shower.  I happened to take a look yesterday, the day before the shower, on when they were supposed to arrive.  I had thought they would come before then, so I was getting nervous.  Thank goodness I checked.  The diapers are supposed to arrive today.  At 5:00 pm.  Well after the shower.

What's a girl to do?  I certainly don't want to go out and buy a package of diapers for an enormous amount of money when I spent $30 on a gigantic box that's coming today.  So, I decided to whip up some kind of girly sewing project.   I just so happen to be pattern testing for my friend, Rae, so I had a super cute pattern to try out. 

Isn't it sweet?  its a bubble romper.  Love, love, love it!  It was my first time shirring (the gathered elastic at the top) and it went surprisingly well. 

I had some scraps leftover, so I decided to make a flower headband to go with it.  I think that is my favorite part.  Is that lame?

Oh, and I threw this dress I made in for good measure.  I actually was planning on giving her this with the diapers.

Nice save.  Nice save.

18 weeks

Well, its that time again.  Its time for belly shots.  I don't take that many, maybe one every 3 weeks or so. But, these last two pregnancies I've taken substantially more than I ever did with O and A.  (Sadly, I only have very, very large pregnancy pictures with them.)

So, here's me, 18 weeks pregnant.  Isaac's pregnancy is on the left and this babe is on the right.

I keep getting statements like "oh!  You're pregnant??" whenever I mention having another baby or what to name this one, etc.  I mean, really?  Do I not look it?  I certainly feel like I look it.  I suppose I am a little smaller this time around than I was last time, but I think my belly still looks pregnant. What-ev.

The next installment of belly will probably be next week sometime.  I love to do a belly shot that coordinates with an u/s date.  Its like an inside/outside view.

See you next week~!

To my dears

Dear baby-
please stop pooping so much. Your bum and I will thank you.
Love much,
Sick of wiping poo


Dear A,
It should go with out saying that one scoop of sour cream in your 1/2 cup of soup is enough.  You do not need two more scoops.  And, yes, 3 scoops of sour cream make your soup look gross.  Because it is.
Love,
You have to eat it now

Dear O,
I'm sorry you have asthma. It sucks, baby girl.  It truely does.  To agree with your statement: "I'm sick of this asthma" Me, too.  Me, too.
Snuggles,
Your cough-hating mommy

Dear E,
The reason I want another daughter?  Hmmm...  Because boys don't call their moms every day.  Or, apparently, buy them birthday gifts after age 20.
Sincerly,
Yes, I bought her a gift- you're welcome

Dear baby in my uterus,
Thank you for finally kicking hard enough to get passed that dang ol' anterior placenta.  I love to feel you move.
Kisses,
Mommy

p.s. Please, please cooperate in two weeks for our anatomy scan.  We want to if you're a he or a she.


Dear Dishes in my Sink,
If you could please do yourself, that would be super.  I don't have time or energy to even give you more than a glance.  I'm sure there will be comments from the peanut gallery about you later, so if you could take care of this buisiness before 5:00 p.m., that would be swell, too.
Thanks,
Sick of it

"Graduationship"

A's graduation from preschool was last night.  For weeks, he's been calling it his "graduationship".  Its so cute, that I haven't had the heart to correct him.  In fact, sometimes I asked him what is going on that day just to hear him say it. I know, its terrible.

Its a long program.  The 2's go first, then the 3's, THEN the 4 year olds.  Since we got there early,I had to take I out in the hall about 2 minutes through the actual program.

 My friend D's littlest.

 Zeke, playing with the bibles and name tags.

A and his teacher (he spilled water on his shirt after the program)

I'm having a hard time believing he's going to Kindergarten next year. I'll miss him.

(eta: after the afternoon we just had, Kindergarten may be in his best interest.  You know the kind of afternoon I'm talking about, right?  Yeah, that kind.)

Happy Anniversary, E!

Sometimes, when I look at you, I still think of you as the teenage boy I fell in love with.

(one of our first "dates" even though I was only 15.  Rae- do you remember doing my hair for this?)

I've watched you go from a boy to a man over the years, and I love what I see.

You are a kind and loving father.  The kind who the kids want to be with whenever they get the chance.

You are an amazing husband, who provides me with security and love.

Even though we've grown up and changed, in a lot of different ways, I love you more every day.

Happy 8th Anniversary!  I love you!

 

And for your viewing pleasure, a slide show I made 3 years ago for our 5th Anniversary.

(yes, I'm too lazy busy to make another.  I'll shoot for our 10th, okay?)

6 days in the dark

Day 1: The storms
Wednesday morning O went to school on a two hour delay due to a Tornado warning early in the morning..  A's school was on schedule.  I had a few errands to run, so I sent both of them off, with a plan to keep an eye on the weather and an ear on the radio. I finished the things I needed to do, and went to eat with my mother in law.  It was sunny and warm when we were seated.  By the time our food came, the storms were back.  We ended up getting stuck in the restaurant for over a hour, waiting for the rain to let up so we could leave to pick up the kids.  Got home, found out that a tornado had just missed MIL's house by about a mile.

MIL calls to tell me that they don't have power.  I invite them over for dinner.  The storms start again.  I quickly finish dinner, afraid that our power might go out.  Set the table, tornado sirens go off, turn on the tv and see that it is indeed for our area.  All 7 of us head to the bathroom- where the power goes out, and, consequently, the sirens stop at the same time.

We finish eating, send off MIL and FIL, and try to get the troops ready for bed.  Another tornado is heading our way (which we know because of the radio.  sirens still aren't working.) and we get back into the bathroom.  Finally head to bed.  O isn't having any of that.  She has anxiety attacks all night, constantly asking us questions every 15 minutes.  I am pretty confident she didn't sleep until well past 3 am. 

Day 2: The day after
We hear on the radio that a tornado hit TVA itself. Initial report is that power may not be restored for 2-4 days.  We thought about traveling to MI to stay with my parents, but decided that 2-4 days wasn't worth the drive.  Plus, gas is expensive.

We head to Lowe's to get stuff to do E's projects around the house, and see this just around the corner:

We hang out around our house.  We play with the neighbors.  We hear about the crazy lines to get gas and food in Athens (which has power and is about 15 minutes from us.)  We have an impromptu get together with the neighbors to grill all of the meat that is going to go bad before tomorrow.  The weather is beautiful!

E and I play several rounds of Yahtzee.  Unfortunately, O still has issues going to sleep.  Still has anxiety induced nightmares.

Day 3:  We're running out of food. 
We have peanut butter bread again.  The stuff in our fridge has been moved to our freezer in efforts to keep it cold.  We decide to head to Athens to try to find something to eat for lunch, and find some gas for the IL's generator. 

On the way there, the normal "route" we take to get there is full of traffic.  We go a back way.  We are shocked at the amount of damage to houses and fences.  Not to mention a field that was completely full of Derbies.  Amazing. 

Almost all of the gas stations have super long lines, so we eat at McD's first, then try to find gas.  We get lucky and find a gas station that we only had to wait at for 10 minutes.

We head home the normal route, and see this: 

Complete devastation.  Feeling blessed and a lot less "inconvenienced". 

Weather is still beautiful.  We have dinner with our neighbors, who kindly let us use their gas stove top to cook some noodles and sauce.

E and I play Yahtzee again.  Its been quite fun spending evenings with him like this.

Day 4: We're out of here!
We head to Nashville for the day.  Going to use our last day of our zoo membership, and hopefully visit some friends. On the way there, we stop to go to the bathroom.  O is washing her hands and she says "Mommy!  Mommy!  They have HOT water here!!!"  Yep.  Its a novelty now.

The weather is beautiful again, and we have a wonderful time at the zoo.  We find some where to have a HOT meal.  Then, we head to Franklin, TN.

Franklin is having a festival, so we hang out there for a bit.  However, the festival was too crowded to be fun, so we then headed to my friend Raechel's house for a visit, and a hot shower.
We have a wonderful visit, and I have a wonderfully hot shower.  The kids got to make new friends and ride in a super cool bike.

We had to leave, in my opinion, too soon.  I always love visiting with these folks, but we had to get back before curfew. (Which was dusk to dawn for our community)

E and I play Pay Day.  We both commented how we haven't played that game in years.  Very fun. 

O finally sleeps well and only wakes up once.  I, however, am still not sleeping well.  I miss my sound machine to drown out the sleep noises of dear E, barking dogs, etc.

Day 5: More feelings of gratitude

We head to McDonald's again- this time for breakfast.  Everyone is pretty sick of peanut butter bread.  Especially me.  We decide to go past a friend's old subdivision (they moved to AK a few years ago) on our way.

I've never seen anything like this.  Ever.  Only a few houses are left standing.  Houses very similar to ours.  This tornado hit only 4 miles from our house. 

(I know its hard to see, but this rubble used to be houses!)

We start to run out of undies and socks.  So, I wash a load of laundry in the bath tub.  Since that went so well, I decided to do one more load that we could hang outside to dry. 

Its also the day that I clean out the fridge and freezer.  We had a few things survive in my IL's deep freezer, but we lost everything else.  But, in comparison to losing a house, I'll be happy to replace these things.  They're just that: things. 

In a positive light: my fridge and freezer haven't been this clean since we moved into our house 3 years ago.

We go out to eat with the IL's for dinner.  Mexican.  Yum!

E decides to go to work in a temporary set up office they have there.  He leaves around 7.  A starts throwing up around 8.  Not really the most fun thing to do/clean up in the dark.

Day 6: The power comes on

We heard that Costco had power, so we head there.  No samples, of course, but we get out of the house, and even get a cookie in the process.  While we are there, my OB calls to ask if I want to come in for my appointment (they were closed on my original appointment day because of the power issue, too.) Since we are near there, we bring the whole crew.

While I'm back in the office, E takes the kids to the park.  The nurse can't find Baby Bitt's heart beat with the Doppler.  I tell her my last scan showed my placenta in the front.  She goes to get my dr., who, on the way in, has to run to the hospital for a delivery.  So, she calls in a NP.  The NP tries for over 15 minutes to find the heart beat with no success.  (I'm not scared, or worried.  With time, and much effort, I can find it at home.)  They whisk me off to an ultrasound.

At this point, I'm super excited!  I'm hoping they can maybe peek at the gender.  Well, I find out we're having a baby............. 

Skeletor!

Seriously, though, the ultrasound tech isn't the sweetest person ever.  She has the wand on my belly for a minute-tops.  Didn't even try to get a good picture for me. (though, You can see the skull.  Thus the name, Skeletor!)  I keep peaking at the picture, wondering if those three lines down at the end of the abdomen are parts or leg bones. Still neat to see my baby again.

We get home and put Zeke to bed.  I'm putting the dishes away when A notices that the lamp is on.  Hurrah!  We have power! 

I's light is on in his room, so we turn that off.  The first thing I do is take a nap.  With my sound machine.  Ahhh...  Pure bliss.

Feeling extremely thankful for electricity, and, more importantly, a house that went undamaged.  (Thank you, God, for keeping up safe!)