Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Back and Forth

Yesterday I had my 36 week appointment with my OBGYN.  Overall, it went well.  Everything looked good. Lost 1.5 pounds, and my uterus still measured 36 weeks (I measured the same 2 weeks ago.)

My OB, of course, is leaving on Sunday, the 2nd, and won't be back until the 10th.  To sort of make a long story short-(ish) I'll just say that we both REALLY want her to be at my birth for several reasons.

My dr. was really hoping that I'd be dilated some yesterday, so that I can come back in on Thursday or Friday and maybe do a little stretching and get things going and started, possibly having baby girl come this weekend.  It wasn't really unrealistic, since I was dilated with O and I at 36 weeks.  (I can't remember with A.  How bad is that?!?!?)

When my dr. walked into my room she says "I want you to either be closed, or like an eight or something."  She was kidding.  Sort of.  She then says "but I doubt you will be.  I'm guessing a 3." That was my guess, too. 

Turns out, I was closer to a closed than we thought I would be.  I was a finger tip to 1.  She couldn't tell super well because my cervix was very posterior and hard to reach.  Since my OB is going out of town, I didn't really want to "make her" reach or even try to stretch me.  There's no point, really. 

Here's where I go back and forth.  Part of me feels like I totally read my body wrong, and I feel stupid for thinking I was dilated more. (Stupid, I know, but true.)  That same part of me feels slightly disappointed that we likely won't have a baby this weekend.  That same part that is happy with my weight gain RIGHT.THIS.MINUTE. and doesn't really want to gain any more.

The other part?  The other part is glad.  The other part knows this is the last time I'll likely ever be pregnant.  The last time I'll ever feel a little person move inside of me.  That other part is glad, too, since our family is just getting over a tummy bug (everyone but me got sick.  amazing!) and we have a few home improvement projects we'd like to accomplish this weekend.

Then there's this middle part.  Or maybe it's back to the first part of me, I'm not sure.  But, I just have this feeling that this little girl is going to come when my OB is gone.  It may not be in the beginning of her trip, but it may be on the last day (or two.)  That's kind of a negative part, huh?  I know it's pessimistic.  I know.  But, I keep trying to figure out what I have to do in order to have the birth I want and have the level of medical intervention I need with out having those two things get confused by the on call dr.  The good thing is that my doula should be able to help me with some of that.

Did you follow me on all of that?  I wouldn't blame you if you didn't.  Heck, I can barely follow my own thoughts.


Kristin said...

Praying for you...why can't hings just happen when we would like?! :) When we had Karlena I saw my doc at 11am with non consistent contractions and dialated to a 1...she said it wouldn't happen that day likely....we had her at 11pm that night! So you just never I will be praying for the best possible arrival time for all involved!! :)

Mommy Attorney said...

I definitely follow your thoughts. I'm saying a prayer for you. I pray that she waits until your doc gets back, or that the doc on call does exactly what needs to be done.

And who knows? This may be your one baby that hangs around until 41 weeks!

Sarah said...

I totally followed all that! And I hope so much for you that your own doctor is there to catch the baby! But you know (you totally know, since you're a doula!)that YOU are the one giving birth to your daughter, the one delivering her. So what matters most is your own frame of mind at the birth, not who is there to handle the medical side of it. I believe that as long as you have your team on the same page and everyone is positive, you will totally have the birth you hope for either way! Good luck!

Dawn said...

I can totally understand why you are going back & forth. I hope that your little girl does wait until your Dr gets back. An on call Dr is just not the same. Oh & you are NOT stupid! Can't wait to meet your little girl!!!

d e v a n said...

((hug)) I just know that things are going to turn out perfect, and I'm so glad you have a doula to help with the medical side of stuff!