I love Easter Chocolate, don't you?
His eyes remind me of that. yum!
Have a wonderful, and blessed Easter. The Lord has risen! Hallelujah!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
The things on my mind
Two things have been prevalent on my mind this weekend. One, is pretty minor, but comes with weird fears. The other, well, its sort of major, I guess.
The first- I have my first dental "work" appointment in over 10 years tomorrow morning. I have 3 cavities that have to be filled. Unfortunately, I've put them off for a while, (one time I cancelled because I chickened out, the next time because the RE didn't want me to have any work done until I was out of my first trimester. Which, as a total aside, I will be out of tomorrow. woot!) I have this weird fear that its going to hurt really bad. I mean, I've had stuff done before. In fact, one of the cavities is simply a place where an old filling fell out. But, its been so long that a little fear has set in, I guess. I have even been dreaming about it the last few nights. Logically, I know its not a big deal. Emotionally, I have a sick feeling in my tummy. I don't want to go!
The second- I have my Nuchal Fold scan on Tuesday morning at 11:30 CST. I wasn't really all that nervous about it until yesterday. I started to get a little concerned that it seems like I haven't grown much, belly wise, in several weeks. It seemed like I bloomed rather quickly in the uterus department, and now there hasn't been much change. Of course, I'm concerned that this means there is a problem. I'm sure its fine. (again, the logic part of me tries to reason with the emotional part.) But, there's always this little voice in my head that says things can always go wrong. The trick is trying to take that little voice and make the best of my life, versus sulking in fear. Right?
Anyway, if any of you feel so inclined to say a quick prayer for me for my NT scan on Tuesday, that would be so great. As for the dentist tomorrow, I plan to take a muscle relaxer before I go. (just teasing... I think.)
The first- I have my first dental "work" appointment in over 10 years tomorrow morning. I have 3 cavities that have to be filled. Unfortunately, I've put them off for a while, (one time I cancelled because I chickened out, the next time because the RE didn't want me to have any work done until I was out of my first trimester. Which, as a total aside, I will be out of tomorrow. woot!) I have this weird fear that its going to hurt really bad. I mean, I've had stuff done before. In fact, one of the cavities is simply a place where an old filling fell out. But, its been so long that a little fear has set in, I guess. I have even been dreaming about it the last few nights. Logically, I know its not a big deal. Emotionally, I have a sick feeling in my tummy. I don't want to go!
The second- I have my Nuchal Fold scan on Tuesday morning at 11:30 CST. I wasn't really all that nervous about it until yesterday. I started to get a little concerned that it seems like I haven't grown much, belly wise, in several weeks. It seemed like I bloomed rather quickly in the uterus department, and now there hasn't been much change. Of course, I'm concerned that this means there is a problem. I'm sure its fine. (again, the logic part of me tries to reason with the emotional part.) But, there's always this little voice in my head that says things can always go wrong. The trick is trying to take that little voice and make the best of my life, versus sulking in fear. Right?
Anyway, if any of you feel so inclined to say a quick prayer for me for my NT scan on Tuesday, that would be so great. As for the dentist tomorrow, I plan to take a muscle relaxer before I go. (just teasing... I think.)
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Our trip to florida
I'm a horrible blogger. This trip took place over a month ago and I'm just now posting pictures. oh, well.
My great-uncle Bill and Aunt Ginny
some one is trying to escape.
picking grapefruit
our first day at the beach
I, me, E, my mom, my dad, my brother, his girlfriend, O and A
A at SEU (South Eastern University in Lakeland, FL. I went there my freshman year of college, and my little brother goes there now.)
SEU
Monday, April 4, 2011
"What to expect when you're expecting...again."
Dear author of "What to Expect When You're Expecting",
Maybe you should consider the fact that women like to read during each of their pregnancies. Not just the first one. So when you write things like "you probably won't be showing, yet" or "you won't be able to feel the baby move for some time", you don't turn people like me off. Because, let's face it, I've been in maternity gear since before the pee had time to dry on the stick, and I'm pretty positive I can now tell the difference between fetal movement and gas. Maybe you should just write a new book, like "What to expect when you're expecting...again." Or, "So you're knocked up for the fourth time." Maybe "A Pregnancy Journal for a Woman Who's Had More Pregnancies Than Area Codes in Her State." (I have many more where those came from, too, but I'll spare you.)
Sincerely,
I'm still reading, but barely
Dear Zeke,
I know you're super proud of yourself for learning how to push our kitchen chairs around, then climbing up on them. However, I'm kind of over the climbing up on the table, counters, touching the stove, and getting into the closet, etc. You're more than welcome to stop doing that. Please.
Love,
your tired-of-freaking-out mommy
Dear Zeke part II,
Oh, and if you'd like to stop falling and hitting yourself in random places, I'd love that, too. You have enough bruises.
Love,
Can't-schedule-pictures-until-bruises-are-gone mommy
Dear weather,
you're a strange, strange thing. Sure, the weekend was beautiful. But, going from 83 degrees and sunny yesterday, to nasty storms today, to only 58 tomorrow is rough.
Yours truly,
Can't-put-the-sweaters-away-yet-and-want-to
Dear A,
please, pretty please, stop doing things you're not supposed to do. I'm tired of getting after you all of the time, and I'm sure you're tired of listening me get after you. I don't know if you're trying to get attention, so I am trying to make an effort to give you some positive attention. (Although, I doubt this is the case since you seem to be doing these things in private and trying to hide them.) Please stop and remember to think before you act.
Love,
tired-of-time-out-talks mom
Dear E.
Not looking forward to 50 hour work weeks. This means that I will 1. miss you a lot, or 2. miss your help a lot. I think maybe both equally some days, and more number 2 some others.
All of my love,
not-looking-forward-to-doing-this-alone wife
Dear Dr. C's office,
Please call me back and give me the correct phone number for my appointment for my Nuchal Fold scan Friday. I loathe making phone calls, and today was my scheduled day to do so. Seeing as how you gave me some random, funky, non-answering phone number I'm guessing that it is not the right one. Then, seeing as how you called me back with another number and I called THAT place, which has never heard of me, I'm guessing its messed up on your end again. I need that information so I can make yet, more, phone calls.
Regretfully,
the lady who-has-a-strange-phobia-of-calling-new-places
Maybe you should consider the fact that women like to read during each of their pregnancies. Not just the first one. So when you write things like "you probably won't be showing, yet" or "you won't be able to feel the baby move for some time", you don't turn people like me off. Because, let's face it, I've been in maternity gear since before the pee had time to dry on the stick, and I'm pretty positive I can now tell the difference between fetal movement and gas. Maybe you should just write a new book, like "What to expect when you're expecting...again." Or, "So you're knocked up for the fourth time." Maybe "A Pregnancy Journal for a Woman Who's Had More Pregnancies Than Area Codes in Her State." (I have many more where those came from, too, but I'll spare you.)
Sincerely,
I'm still reading, but barely
p.s. I've included evidence of said "showing" that I'm not supposed to have yet according to your book.
10w 6d
Dear Zeke,
I know you're super proud of yourself for learning how to push our kitchen chairs around, then climbing up on them. However, I'm kind of over the climbing up on the table, counters, touching the stove, and getting into the closet, etc. You're more than welcome to stop doing that. Please.
Love,
your tired-of-freaking-out mommy
Dear Zeke part II,
Oh, and if you'd like to stop falling and hitting yourself in random places, I'd love that, too. You have enough bruises.
Love,
Can't-schedule-pictures-until-bruises-are-gone mommy
Dear weather,
you're a strange, strange thing. Sure, the weekend was beautiful. But, going from 83 degrees and sunny yesterday, to nasty storms today, to only 58 tomorrow is rough.
Yours truly,
Can't-put-the-sweaters-away-yet-and-want-to
Dear A,
please, pretty please, stop doing things you're not supposed to do. I'm tired of getting after you all of the time, and I'm sure you're tired of listening me get after you. I don't know if you're trying to get attention, so I am trying to make an effort to give you some positive attention. (Although, I doubt this is the case since you seem to be doing these things in private and trying to hide them.) Please stop and remember to think before you act.
Love,
tired-of-time-out-talks mom
Dear E.
Not looking forward to 50 hour work weeks. This means that I will 1. miss you a lot, or 2. miss your help a lot. I think maybe both equally some days, and more number 2 some others.
All of my love,
not-looking-forward-to-doing-this-alone wife
Dear Dr. C's office,
Please call me back and give me the correct phone number for my appointment for my Nuchal Fold scan Friday. I loathe making phone calls, and today was my scheduled day to do so. Seeing as how you gave me some random, funky, non-answering phone number I'm guessing that it is not the right one. Then, seeing as how you called me back with another number and I called THAT place, which has never heard of me, I'm guessing its messed up on your end again. I need that information so I can make yet, more, phone calls.
Regretfully,
the lady who-has-a-strange-phobia-of-calling-new-places
Monday, March 28, 2011
The kind of day
its been the kind of day where
1. i decide to skip my Zofran because of the horrid side effects.
2. I splatter paint all over myself while closing a paint can.
3. I smoosh my MP3 player ear buds with my foot.
4. Austin spills dirt on my freshly mopped floor.
5. The baby dissolves into tears at the slightest provocation.
6. Its cold and rainy outside. Again. For the zillionth day in a row.
But, its also been a day where I listened to this for a good 10 minutes.
1. i decide to skip my Zofran because of the horrid side effects.
2. I splatter paint all over myself while closing a paint can.
3. I smoosh my MP3 player ear buds with my foot.
4. Austin spills dirt on my freshly mopped floor.
5. The baby dissolves into tears at the slightest provocation.
6. Its cold and rainy outside. Again. For the zillionth day in a row.
But, its also been a day where I listened to this for a good 10 minutes.
Sorry you can't actually see the BPM. I was trying to record it with my phone AND keep the Doppler in the perfect position. (If you desperately want to know, the heart rate was in the 180s.)
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Scars
Scars are interesting things. They tell stories of our wounds. They remind us of mistakes or hurts. They almost always stay with us our entire lives.
I don't have pretty scars. In fact, I scar really badly. They are always puffy, huge, and just generally icky looking. My stretch marks, (which are really scars) are the perfect example. Deep, puffy, and colorful.
One time, back in high school, I cut myself on a spring that came out of my parents couch. It cut the fleshy part of the back of my upper arm. It hurt, and it bled a tiny bit, but nothing that needed stitches and it was easily taken care of with a few band aids. It healed in a week or so. I STILL have a MASSIVE scar from that. Its still puffy, very pink, and, actually, its still tender.
My c/s scar is another example. A few of my friends have mentioned that their c/s scars have faded away. My c/s was over 6 years ago. The edges have faded but the center is still puffy, pink, and slightly painful if pressed/kicked/hit/shaved.
When I first had my c/s, it was very painful. The incision hurt like heck for a long time. Eventually, it stopped hurting so bad all of the time. It only hurt when I was on my stomach or did sit ups. Then, it stopped hurting unless I poked my incision site. Now, its only painful if it has direct contact with something sharp or hard.
It seems like my grief from losing all of our babies is similar. At first, it hurt all of the time. It hurt badly all. of. the. time. Then, after a little while, I would go a few days with out it crippling me. Then, a few weeks. Now, it seems it only creeps in when I come in direct contact with something hard.
I used to think that getting pregnant post-miscarriage and having a live baby would relieve my grief. But, unfortunately, it doesn't. It helps fade my scars, and it keeps me from thinking about them all of the time. But, those puffy, pink, deep scars will be with me the rest of my life.
You wouldn't think my own pregnancy would trigger grief and sadness. But, it does. When I look at the ultrasounds of our new precious baby, I'm reminded off all of the babies we never got to see. All of the babies we never got to hear heartbeats from. All of the babies we grieved over. All of the babies that are missing from our family.
So it seems, right now, something hard is pressing into my scars, and it hurts.
Isaiah 53:4-5
Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken,Smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.
I don't have pretty scars. In fact, I scar really badly. They are always puffy, huge, and just generally icky looking. My stretch marks, (which are really scars) are the perfect example. Deep, puffy, and colorful.
One time, back in high school, I cut myself on a spring that came out of my parents couch. It cut the fleshy part of the back of my upper arm. It hurt, and it bled a tiny bit, but nothing that needed stitches and it was easily taken care of with a few band aids. It healed in a week or so. I STILL have a MASSIVE scar from that. Its still puffy, very pink, and, actually, its still tender.
My c/s scar is another example. A few of my friends have mentioned that their c/s scars have faded away. My c/s was over 6 years ago. The edges have faded but the center is still puffy, pink, and slightly painful if pressed/kicked/hit/shaved.
When I first had my c/s, it was very painful. The incision hurt like heck for a long time. Eventually, it stopped hurting so bad all of the time. It only hurt when I was on my stomach or did sit ups. Then, it stopped hurting unless I poked my incision site. Now, its only painful if it has direct contact with something sharp or hard.
It seems like my grief from losing all of our babies is similar. At first, it hurt all of the time. It hurt badly all. of. the. time. Then, after a little while, I would go a few days with out it crippling me. Then, a few weeks. Now, it seems it only creeps in when I come in direct contact with something hard.
I used to think that getting pregnant post-miscarriage and having a live baby would relieve my grief. But, unfortunately, it doesn't. It helps fade my scars, and it keeps me from thinking about them all of the time. But, those puffy, pink, deep scars will be with me the rest of my life.
You wouldn't think my own pregnancy would trigger grief and sadness. But, it does. When I look at the ultrasounds of our new precious baby, I'm reminded off all of the babies we never got to see. All of the babies we never got to hear heartbeats from. All of the babies we grieved over. All of the babies that are missing from our family.
So it seems, right now, something hard is pressing into my scars, and it hurts.
Isaiah 53:4-5
Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken,Smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
More pictures
7 weeks
9 weeks
we couldn't get a good "still" picture because the baby was moving. But, we got to hear the heart beat. Nice and strong, and FAST! :) 186 bpm.
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