Medicated cycle

I called the RE's office to tell them that I started my period yesturday. The nurse asked if we talked about doing the medicated cycle. I said yes. So, they rushed me into the office this morning to do a scan. Everything's back to base line, so onward we go.



The RE decided to put me on a low dose of clomid. He just thinks that changing things up might be beneficial. We may have to up the dose later, but that's fine. I think the lower dose is better to begin with anyway. My body DOES ovulate, so I think the low dose should do its job.



The really nice benefit of clomid versus femara this cycle: generic! The Femara is quite expensive now that our prescription coverage has changed. Clomid comes in a generic which makes it only a $5 script.

Bummer

Blood test came back negative. *sigh* Unforunately, I haven't really started my period, either. So now, I'm just waiting. Again. If I don't start by monday, I have to go in. If I do start before then, I still have to go in next week to see what else needs to be done. I think that we are moving onto a medicated cycle.

I'm honestly sick of all of this crap about not knowing what's going on with my body, etc. I have never, ever spotted this long before. Its insane. The RE said that this could be my period (wouldn't that be fabulous!) and as long as the lining regenerates, then we're good. I don't care. As long as things get moving towards a fresh start.

Come on!

Dear Aunt Flow-
Seriously, just come already! Come or don't! make up your dang mind. Don't try to come a week early, then change your mind, the try to come again, then change your mind again. Its getting old. I'd really prefer if you didn't come for a visit for at least 9 mths. But, if you INSIST on coming this month- hurry up and get here. Don't dawdle. Just show up on time and leave when the visit is over. No lingering.

Sincerely,
Me

Negative mourning

Well, my temperature went back up this morning, so I thought "hey, I'll take a test". Big ole blaring "not pregnant" was the first thing I woke up to today. Not really the way I would like to start my day. *sigh*

Yesterday, when I was reading my bible, I came across a few verses about promises. Most of them were in reference to God's timing. His promises are fulfilled in HIS timing. Ouch. That's really not what I wanted to read. I read all of the verses about how God is faithful to keep his promises, which is wonderful! But, the thing that kept jumping out at me over and over and over and over again was that its HIS timing. Not mine. HIS.

Like I've said before, I've never been a patient person. I can't imagine waiting for years and years for a child- like Sarah and Abraham. I'm sure she had some major baggage after so many years of infertility. I just don't know if I could trust in a promise after that many years. (which, obviously, they didn't either- hence Ishmael)

Sometimes I get so discouraged. This stuff that is going on right now just doesn't make sense to me. Why I had to loose so many babies. Why I can't seem to stay pregnant. Why the dr.'s can't find anything wrong. Why its taking so long to have a 3rd child when the first two came so fast. Why everyone around me seems to get pregnant and stay pregnant so easily.


I guess those questions are just going to go on my list of questions to ask God when I get to heaven. Maybe then I'll understand why His timing isn't the same as mine.

:(

I really thought that this month was going to be THE month. *sigh* I'm feeling very down today. I started spotting a few days ago and today I started cramping a little bit. Not promising, since it feels just like when I'm about to start my period.

Bummer.

I definitely Ovulated

Its true! I ovulated on CD 14. The earliest I've ever ovulated since having Austin. Its amazing.

Although I'm excited, its a tad frustrating. This cycle was supposed to be a monitoring cycle. Watch and see what my body "normally" does. Its insane that on the one cycle they decide to watch, I actually have an "average" cycle. I mean, my normal is CD 20 or CD21! NOT cd 14. I'm sure the dr. thinks I'm nutso for going on and on about how short my luteul phase is. *sigh* oh well.

Anyway, everything looked good on u/s today. The nurse saw the corpus Luteum- which is what the follicle turns into. It sustains early pregnancy or absorbs back into the body depending on whether or not I'm pregnant. She had to look around for quiet a while. Apparently, it wasn't obvious. I had to remind her what ovary had the follicle last time, and she searched around there again and found it. My uterine lining was good. It measured 10mm. That number doesn't particularly mean anything to me...I'm new to all of this. But, she said it was good. They also called back this afternoon to tell me about my blood work. Progesterone was good, though I didn't ask for a number. No supplements needed. yay! She said that it definitely looks like I am right on with my calculated ovulation date.

Now, we just wait. If I don't get my period by next Wednesday, I'll go back in for a blood test. If I get a positive home pregnancy test before then, I have to go in, too. They may do daily injections of heprin (or something like heprin). we'll just have to wait and see.

Blood work

More blood work today! I'm going to try to get them to run a hcg test, too. Just because I think I actually DID ovulate on cd 14 and my temperature jumped up quite a bit today. They may just poo poo the idea, but it never hurts to try. :)

Waiting

By nature, I'm not a very patient person. I'd say on the list of good qualities I have, patience isn't on that list anywhere (unfortunately so). I always wanted to know what my christmas gifts were BEFORE Christmas. In fact, one year, I went looking for my birthday gifts because I couldn't stand the waiting and the suspense.

So I sit here, now in the 2 week wait, waiting. Trying to be patient. Not only patient to take a pregnancy test, but also just trying to wait on God. I'm trying to remember that everything is in his perfect timing.

I wanna win!!

http://www.grosgrainstore.com

Update

I had another RE appointment yesturday morning. They did a scan on my lining and measured my follicles to see where I am in my cycle.

Lining looked good for the cycle day I'm on. My right side had one mature follicle. It was 17 mm. She said anything over 15 is considered mature. She said that I'd probably ovulate soon.

So, strict instructions to do our homework every other day until I go back in for more blood work (november 17)

I'm not convinced that I WILL ovulate soon. The last time they did a scan, I had a 19 mm follicle (on the same side) and I didn't ovulate until a week later. Which is concerning to me.

We'll see, I guess. The 17ths blood work will show when and if I've ovulated.