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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Didn't your momma teach you?

I'd just like to take a minute and address something. This is MY blog. I can post whatever I want, whenever I want, and about whoever I want. This is MY blog.


This is MY blog. This is MY place to vent, grieve, rant, gloat, or talk about nothing. If I want to complain about the fact that my grass is dying in my back yard, I can! I don't care if people around the country would kill for my little bit of grass. If I want to complain about MY yard on MY blog, than I will! If I want to complain about my children, then I will! If I want to complain about the price of beans in China, then I will!

I'm having a lot of pregnancy symptoms right now, but I refrain from complaining about this at all because I feel so blessed to be this far into my pregnancy. However, if I wanted to, I could, because this is MY blog. Mine, mine, MINE!


And, guess what! Even though I'm pregnant, I still HURT! God is healing me, but I still have deep wounds from my losses. I don't care how many children I go onto have, I'll always miss the ones that passed too soon. They'll always have a place in my heart, and I'm sure that I will never completely heal. So, yeah, I do vent sometimes about my pain. I vent because I'm a real person. A person with wounds, pains, and hurts. A viable pregnancy doesn't change that. Two live children don't change the fact that I miss my lost babies. Two children and a pregnancy doesn't change the embarrassment I feel because my body doesn't work like everyone else's.

There are people out there like me. Ones who have children who have lost babies. They hurt. They grieve. I want them to know that they are not alone. Its okay to hurt, okay to grieve, okay to be angry, okay to question God.

If you don't like it, feel free to leave.

If you don't leave, I'd just like to remind you: If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all.

24 comments:

Chelsa said...

i'm so sorry you even have to post that. that should be a given.

mapsgirl said...

I'm with Chelsa. (HUGS)

Tricia said...

ohh sweetie... you are right.. so very very right. My firstborn died 20 hours after birth...yes, I have 6 beautiful healthy babies, but I still wonder "what if" and I have some who question why "do you care.. you have six?" The world is cruel and sometimes they have a touch of stupid thrown in for good measure. {{{{hugs}}}}} no worries, you grieve when you need, you smile all you can and you ignore the ones who don't have a clue.

Tara/Bunny said...

That's right, if they have issues, there's no one making them read this!

People on the internet are just MEAN, because they can be... mean and hateful.

T- said...

Well said. You do what you want with YOUR blog!

We are here to support you!

Mandy Rose said...

I am sooo with ya!! Not sure if I have posted a comment before, but I have been reading your blog for some time now. I, too, have suffered with having miscarriages. Only 2...so not nearly as many as you, but I am SOOOOO excited for you that things are looking good for this pregnancy! I have a beautiful healthy 2 year old but it doesn't take away from the fact that I don't understand why I can't have normal pregnancies every time? I am sure you know what I am saying.

http://houseofroseblog.com

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry that you even had to post this today. Its unfortuante that by having a blog we come across some mean and unfeeling people, I know I have come across them too.

I'm so excited for you and praying for your beautiful family!

Bless you!
Lisa

Photogrl said...

Bad enough that we have to deal with the questions and opinions in real life...you shouldn't have to deal with them in your "safe" space.

((HUGS))

buddhaowen said...

You are so within your rights to vent and grieve as much as you want that it's not even funny. I cannot begin to imagine what those losses must feel like for you, and I would never EVER try to pretend that I know that pain. I have experienced loss of my father recently (which I in NO WAY equate to the loss of a child!)-well, one year, 6 months and 6 days ago-but the pain from that loss is as present now as it was then. I have MANY moments of weakness in which I just fall apart-especially around this time of year with Father's day coming up. I am still healing, and I probably will be for the rest of my life. That being said, I can't imagine based on my experience with that grief what you must be feeling. I cannot tell you enough how sorry I am for all that you have been through, and I am so sorry that you even had the need to post all of that. You are incredibly brave and courageous to share your story with so many complete strangers, and I truly admire that vulnerability you are willing to take on. You and your precious family are in my thoughts and prayers!!

d e v a n said...

uh oh, what happened? You have every right to vent about whatever you want!

Pam said...

You go girl! I haven't had a m/c that I know of (infertility, yes, but ended up with two great kids), and I don't have a blog, but I agree with everything you've said. You have a right to feel how you feel - and write about it!

Stop whining said...

Yes, it IS your blog... but you can't put all your business out on the internet and expect that no one will disagree with you. If you want only fluffy feel good comment, perhaps you should keep your diary private. This is the real world baby... and people are bound to disagree with what you have to say. I don't get it when people say "This is MY blog".... no, it's the world's because YOU put it out there. What don't people get about blogs? They no longer belong to you when you make your dirty laundry so public.

Kelly said...

Positive thoughts your way, Tracy. HUGS!

Tara/Bunny said...

To "stop whining":

Well, don't you just feel special and self-righteous now. Look at you. Look how small you are, going on to someone's blog and trying to act like her pain is somehow not real just because you don't agree with it. What is wrong with you? Can't you go annoy someone else? I mean, I don't understand why you would come here and be so hateful to someone who really, honestly, does not deserve hateful comments. I've lost babies at 19 weeks and at 3 weeks, and it sucks each time, and that's MY pain, MY reality.

But I shouldn't even try to reason with you. You're only out to hurt.

Tracy, I went through this with on of my blogs... my ex boyfriend didn't like some of the stuff I said about his current girlfriend. I was like, well, why are YOU reading MY blog? I'm not reading YOURS anymore...

I'm sorry people are so hateful. Perhaps this person will go back and troll on 4chan where they belong.

Melissa said...

(((HUGS))) Tracy!

And to Stop Whining:
Grow up! You can't even post your name or contact info? Real mature. She isn't airing "dirty laundry" she's expressing HER feelings about HER life. If you don't like it or don't agree with it, that's your choice. But don't bash her on HER blog. Don't read it if you don't like it!

Dawn said...

God Bless You!! You are an inspiration for those of us who have just started this sad and scary journey!! Thank you so very much for sharing your story it has helped me more than you know.

Paula71 said...

Stop Whining if we wanted any stuff out of you we would have squeezed your head. Leave here and never read her blog again!! If you do just keep your mouth shut.
She has a right to post what she wishes, when and how she wishes with out being criticized or otherwise tormented. Please do us all a favor and stop following.

I am sorry you even had to write this post.

The Pifer's said...

I found you through April Rose, Im just a blog away (thepiferfamily.blogspot.com) please know I am here for you...

Praying for your family

Jenny said...

I'm so sorry that happened to you. You have every right to grieve and be hurt.

Cristin said...

AMEN! Praying for you!

Jennifer said...

I am so sorry you even had to post that. You have every right to put what ever you want on your blog. This is your space and no one elses. You have every right to vent, be happy, be sad, post what ever and do what ever you want here. This is your space and we are here to support you. I would say the same for my blog as well. There are many people that our blogs are helping and they are helping us as well. ((SUPER HUGS)) We are here for you and we care about.



To: "Stop whining"
This is her blog and not yours. Just because it is on the internet does not make it the worlds. By posting our stories we help others going threw the same thing we are going threw. What don't you get about blogs? You are so uneducated in this matter that I am not even going to waist time explaining how you are so very wrong about your comment. You do not have to be here. If you do not like something that is said move on you do not have to spew hate. By doing that you are showing how uneducated you really are. Oh and what dirty laundry I see NO dirty laundry here!! There is nothing posted that would even come close to being dirty laundry. Your post was meant for hurt and hate and that is all. Well buddy it did not work! So just leave and never return. We do not need you or want you here for that matter!!

Candra said...

very well put!! :) still praying for you and glad you can vent on here. it gives me hope. thanks.

Cheryl said...

I wish that you would never have had to post this. I can completely understand. I had a miscarriage 3 years ago, and even after having two beautiful baby boys, I still wonder what could have been. I still miss my child everyday. Nothing will change that, and I wish that people would understand that.

Hugs and prayers,
Cheryl

Jeff & Leza said...

This is YOUR blog. I have suffered many losses myself and I feel blessed just to be able to get pregnant....and embarassed that my body thinks the babies don't belong there so they "dispose" of them...as the doctors would say. And guess what? I vent on my blog about how pissed I am at my reproductive organs...b/c it's MY blog. If you want to vent about the dirt under your fingernails while you sit on the couch and do nothing about it...go for it!

I hope you don't have to worry about posting anything like this again. Just keep expressing yourself with your fears, joys, anxieties, stories, love, and smiles. Those of us who do not judge will continue to read. Those who do judge, will be asked to leave....politely of course. :)

God Bless