Friday, April 17, 2009

Do I share?

Should I share my blog with people I know in real life?

I have very limited number of people who follow my blog that know my in real life. I know several people who have gone through a miscarriage since it's conception. Sometimes I feel like I should share it with them. I know when I first started my blog, I found it very encouraging to find other women like me (in fact, its STILL encouraging!) that were living their life, sharing their grief, and sharing their faith.

The thing is, I feel safe with my blog. I feel safe enough to be brutally honest about my feelings sometimes. I feel safe to share my constant grief to a community of people who "get it" or who support me. Do I share this with people I see on a daily basis?

Here's what I don't want to happen. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. Its fine if Jane from California feels sorry for me after reading some of my posts. Its not going to change her behavior towards me. Its not okay if my friend from playgroup feels sorry for me after reading my blog. Get it? I don't want people to treat me different after reading about a hard day I had, or saying stupid statements about my losses.

Here's why I feel like maybe I should- its my testimony. This blog is my testimony. Its my testimony to my faith in God, and its a testimony of God's faithfulness to me. No matter if I have another living child or not, God has used my losses to change who I am (and that's what my testimony is about!)

Do I want to keep others from feeling that same comfort that I felt when reading other blogs? Do I really want to keep other's away from reading about God's amazing grace and mercy? Just to feel safe?


d e v a n said...

That's a tough one. There are only a few "irl" people who know about my blog and I prefer to keep it that way. It's easier for me to share things that way I guess...

T- said...

It is a tough one. I've shared my blog only a limited number of times to real life friends, but mine isn't nearly the testimony that yours is! (Okay, it isn't at all - who am I trying to kid!)

Heather said...

I have a few friends from real life that read my blog, but it's not b/c I don't share it, it's b/c the others don't really know what a blog is lmao. But, I do understand where you are coming from. I don't see you every day, so when I post about missing my dad, you are not going to come running over to my house to make sure I am ok lol. You will do a ((hugs)) and move on lol. I don't want ppl feeling sorry for me, I just want to vent. Whatever you decide to do, you know us girls will still be here :)

T- I love reading your blogs lol.

Dan & Hillary and little Russell said...

Hmm... I love my blogging world but to be honest, when I need to cry, I need a real shoulder the cry on, and a real person to hug. Since 'opening' up to my IRL friends, my relationships have become more genuine and deeper.

I've also found from other women that they've experiences losses as well and they never had anyone else to talk to before. It is difficult to have IRL friends/ family read my blog so it isn't as detailed/personal as some IF blogs are, but everyone has to find what works for them.

Love to you, and keeping my fingers crossed!!

Heidi said...

Take this for what it's worth... it's just my experience in what God was teaching me, and maybe He's teaching you something different.

It is easy to wall yourself off when it comes to infertility/miscarriage. It feels healthier and safer that way. In my experience, it is the exact opposite. For me, it perpetuated unhealthiness. When I stopped hearing God's voice and feeling His comfort, I couldn't figure out why. Eventually He told me I stopped feeling Him because I had cut off His arms; I had cut off His shoulder; I had cut off His voice. Of course He can speak to us and touch our lives without the physical presence of other human beings, but He has chosen to create our world such that we need to depend on one another and be completely vulnerable with one another. Life works better that way.

I understand not wanting people to feel a certain way toward you; I will be completely honest and say that it's important to remember that I suspect you might feel that way because their feelings make you feel a certain way about yourself. If other people's feelings about you/toward you cause you distress, you may be subscribing to some unhealthy or inaccurate beliefs - beliefs God wants to remove from your heart so you can see yourself more in the way He sees you.

It's a hard decision and one I struggled with. I still have a completely private spot where I can totally rant or weep if I need to. But when I forced myself to live more openly, I found that I didn't need to use that spot... not much at all. In fact, I think I've written in it once in a year, and that was a letter to Tahd I could have written in person but just chose to write it there because typing is easier than writing. lol

I do struggle with it from the vantage point that I'm not sure I want to give our fertility treatment updates in real time. I haven't fully wrestled that one to the ground yet. But I'm leaning toward doing the real-time thing because withholding information in the past hasn't seemed to serve me well, kwim?

GL! There are definitely pros and cons to either. (And SO sorry for the novel I've just written!)

Tracy said...

thanks for your opinions, ladies. I appreciated them!

Mama2Boys said...

well now, since you've posted this, if you DO decide to invite IRL friends you could just ask them to read this post first and that way if they feel sorry for you (although I don't feel sorry for you, frustrated yes, pity you said, it's awful you have had so many lost ones, but they have changed you and for the better.)

hopefully however you will have a sticky bean soon and it won't be an issue praying for you and Eric as always Tracy

Becoming a Family of Four said...

Just yesterday I shared my blog with my first IRL friend. I did it because she's shared her journey with me and it felt ok. But that's the only time I've ever done it. Note even my DH reads my blog!

Jennifer said...

I have shared my blog with a few RL friends and family. It is trully up to you. I love your blog and enjoy reading it very much. Having others that are going threw the same things as I am helps me so very much. Even tho some RLF read my blog I am very open and state how I am feeling. If they call me I just tell them I needed to vent and they understand. I have not had that very often were a RLF calls or comes over after a post. They know when I tell them about my blog. God is great and you are touching lives even tho the people you see everyday do not know about your blog :) ((SUPER HUGS))

Tara/Bunny said...

thanks for deciding to share with us! It's good to know other people who have gone through this, IRL and on the blogosphere... (oh, this is Tara F from the playgroup).