April is hard

Delayed gratification is hard for a 2.5 yr old.

Apparently, a 4 year old has a better grasp. Or at least, is more proud of

the eggs she found versus the consuming desire to eat candy.

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Another reason its hard:

Its a due date month, two times over. My first miscarriage baby, (where I knew I was pregnant,) would be one this month. Miscarriage baby #5 would be due at the end of April.

Its hard to find joy, and hope, when I feel so full of despair. My heart hurts, and my arms ache. my new nanny boy is sweet as pie, but I have a hard time holding him with out thinking of my lost babies.