I was thinking tonight, as I was coloring mermaids with Olivia, that I'm going to be 27 soon. 27? How, and when did that happen? I'm almost thirty (imagine me gasping here!) Not that thirty is the end-all and be-all of ages. But, I certainly thought that I'd be in a different place in my life.
Did you ever have to do those "where do you see yourself in 10 years?" essays or questions during interviews? I remember I had a journal entry once, in my English class, about where I saw myself in 10 years. (I was 17, so almost 10 years ago. ) Want to guess what it said? Married, living in a house, with a dog, and 4 kids. (Okay, I'm not entirely sure how I thought I'd convince E to get a dog back then. It took me an entire year of marriage to GET a dog, then a whole two years to finally give her away! Anyway, I digress..) Apparently I thought that we'd be popping babies out every year, which, until recently, was a possibility.
Its amazing how the life you have planned out for yourself doesn't always work out. I know that its a common theme, and I've blogged about it before, but it just hit me again tonight. While, I very well may have 4 earthly children by the time I'm 30, (which used to be my "end-age") its more likely that I won't. I may never have another living child.
But, back to the topic I started on, I often FEEL like I'm still this young teenager, mapping out my life. Reevaluating where I'll be in 10 years over and over again. Never certain of my path, never certain of life's twists and turns. Except I don't feel as confident (you know, that confident "I can do it!" attitude?) I can't even be certain of the day ahead of me. Much less the year, or 5, or 10.
And this is me putting my future, and my 10 year plan, into God's hands. Its yours, Lord. It always has been, but its taken me this long to finally let go. I surrender it to you.