For the past week I had been gearing up to face what I knew would be a very hard day. I've been praying a lot for peace. More than usual. Even though I knew it was coming, it still hurts.
The due date for my February baby is today.
I had sort of talked it through to myself last night. I would come downstairs, after the kids woke up, have some coffee, then start to sort through some grief. That, however, was not to be. Instead of the "prepared" grieving, I was surprised.
At exactly 6 am, my cell phone starting ringing a strange ring (which, by the way, is strange in and of itself. My phone hasn't been ringing at all lately.) I was thinking to myself "who's calling at 6 am?" I picked up my phone, flipped it open, and saw this:
Today's Scheduled Event: Baby Due
Apparently, 40ish weeks ago, (when I had a tad more hope and 3 less miscarriages) I thought it would be neat to look and see on my cell phone when the baby was due. I'm not sure what I was thinking about setting it to go off at 6 am, but maybe it was pregnancy brain? I'm also not sure why I needed a reminder. I'm pretty sure that if I was actually 40 weeks pregnant, I wouldn't NEED a reminder.
Even though it took me by surprise, I'm glad that it did. When E asked who it was, I told him about the reminder. He then crawled over to my side of the bed and just held me for a few minutes. I have to say, it was MUCH better than what I had planned- dealing with what today is with out him. (God must have known something I didn't...)
Even though today is a very sad day for me, especially with the sadness of our latest loss so fresh, I will rejoice that this is the day the Lord has made. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He is the same God today, in my grief, that he was yesterday, or 3 years ago, in my joy. Thank you Lord, for this day. I will be glad in it!
Happy due date, my little February bean. I miss you like crazy. I can't wait to meet you in heaven some day. I love you!